final A few things i learned 10 years after Sammy’s death…….
As the ten year anniversary of Sammy’s death approaches, I have been thinking about a few things I’ve read, observed or experienced and thought I would share a few of my perspectives as a grieving mom. Please note, these are my perspectives as an individual mom. By no means do these include what others have said and done in the past. Everything anyone has done for our family during the loss of our son has been so appreciated.
Yet, after ten years, my perspective is simple: mine. I by no means intend this to come across as rigid, mean or negative. It’s just my raw expressions “from me”. I hope my perspectives can bring some type of understanding of what a grieving parent …show more content…
Here’s a very relaxed time frame I would give: Nothing can even describe the excruciating pain of that first year. It’s like heart surgery without anesthesia. Your heart has been ripped open. It’s agonizing, grueling and unbearable. A bereaved parent to be “over” a death of a child in the first year is ridiculous. There is a numbness during that first year. The second year is the worse when a bereaved parent struggles with the permanence of a child’s death. You begin to try to live but you are slowly starting to realize you will never be the same person as before. Again, it’s like the waves in the sea. One learns how to come up for air during each big wave. The process of that is never smooth. The wave may push you south, east, north or west. It’s during this time you realize you will never be the same. Years 6 and so on, one continues swimming towards the shore. Once there, the bereaved parent realized the grieving process is years instead of days, weeks, or months. I no longer felt the pressure of a timeline. It’s ok if it takes years to grieve instead of months, weeks or even …show more content…
Grief from losing a child is completely different than other losses. Most will never comprehend this deep grief of the loss of a child until it happens to them. The death of a child is very different. Some try to compare it to the death of a relative, loss of a job, or even a dog. I can understand trying to relate. But, it’s impossible. Most will never truly understand to death of child. It is the most painful crisis. Some may try to imagine, but unless you’ve worn those debilitation shoes, it’s impossible to the equation.
Some encouraging words hurt more than help. Although intentions are noble, most don’t know what to say or do to a bereaved parent. Some will say, “I’ve lost a relative too”, “my parent has just passed away”, “my friend is battling cancer”, etc. I even had one person tell me “to have another baby”. I about snapped at that one. Most the time when people say these things they certainly mean to encourage, help and offer sympathy. Sometimes the well-meaning phrases can actually cause additional pain. A grieving parent’s heart is so raw, these words hurt much more than they would in ordinary situations. This is where a hug and some silent crying
As the ten year anniversary of Sammy’s death approaches, I have been thinking about a few things I’ve read, observed or experienced and thought I would share a few of my perspectives as a grieving mom. Please note, these are my perspectives as an individual mom. By no means do these include what others have said and done in the past. Everything anyone has done for our family during the loss of our son has been so appreciated.
Yet, after ten years, my perspective is simple: mine. I by no means intend this to come across as rigid, mean or negative. It’s just my raw expressions “from me”. I hope my perspectives can bring some type of understanding of what a grieving parent …show more content…
Here’s a very relaxed time frame I would give: Nothing can even describe the excruciating pain of that first year. It’s like heart surgery without anesthesia. Your heart has been ripped open. It’s agonizing, grueling and unbearable. A bereaved parent to be “over” a death of a child in the first year is ridiculous. There is a numbness during that first year. The second year is the worse when a bereaved parent struggles with the permanence of a child’s death. You begin to try to live but you are slowly starting to realize you will never be the same person as before. Again, it’s like the waves in the sea. One learns how to come up for air during each big wave. The process of that is never smooth. The wave may push you south, east, north or west. It’s during this time you realize you will never be the same. Years 6 and so on, one continues swimming towards the shore. Once there, the bereaved parent realized the grieving process is years instead of days, weeks, or months. I no longer felt the pressure of a timeline. It’s ok if it takes years to grieve instead of months, weeks or even …show more content…
Grief from losing a child is completely different than other losses. Most will never comprehend this deep grief of the loss of a child until it happens to them. The death of a child is very different. Some try to compare it to the death of a relative, loss of a job, or even a dog. I can understand trying to relate. But, it’s impossible. Most will never truly understand to death of child. It is the most painful crisis. Some may try to imagine, but unless you’ve worn those debilitation shoes, it’s impossible to the equation.
Some encouraging words hurt more than help. Although intentions are noble, most don’t know what to say or do to a bereaved parent. Some will say, “I’ve lost a relative too”, “my parent has just passed away”, “my friend is battling cancer”, etc. I even had one person tell me “to have another baby”. I about snapped at that one. Most the time when people say these things they certainly mean to encourage, help and offer sympathy. Sometimes the well-meaning phrases can actually cause additional pain. A grieving parent’s heart is so raw, these words hurt much more than they would in ordinary situations. This is where a hug and some silent crying