Self Harm Research Paper

Improved Essays
Connor Heuer
English 121
October 31, 2017
My Experience With Depression And Self Harm Mental illnesses more or less run in my family, so needless to say my childhood was a struggle. I never understood what was wrong with me. I couldn't get along with kids older than me because I was too immature, and couldn't hang out with kids younger than me because I was too smart. This led to me getting bullied a lot when I was in elementary/middle school and into the beginning of high school. My depression reached its pinnacle in the beginning of tenth grade, when I started to cut myself. I don't remember the beginning well. One night I just picked up one of my knives, and gave myself a laceration on my upper left arm that changed my life forever. I
…show more content…
I classify this as my first phase of self harm, which ended after my mom caught me and threatened to send me to a mental hospital; the second phase happened after I broke up with my first serious girlfriend.
I cut myself ten times that night on my lower left forearm. That night was the first night I ever seriously contemplated suicide. My home life was falling apart, with my parents divorcing, and my social was non-existent. As I laid there in bed coming down from that high -- I almost did it. I woke up the next morning covered in blood, a towel I had used to wipe some of the blood up still laying on top of me and my knife still in my hand. Quite frankly I wasn't even bothered by this. A few months later I got expelled. I was a stupid kid trying to impress my friends, I went too far and I paid the price. When I got picked up from school by my dad I went down to my room and balled my eyes out. I poured out a bottle of tylenol in my hand and seriously debated ending my life. Luckily I wasn't able to go through with it and put the pills back in the bottle. That was my worst mental breakdown for a long time. For about a year and a half at
…show more content…
My mom saw the the blood on me when I came out and flipped a lid. She drove me straight to the hospital, from there I received a first class ride to a crisis center strapped down on a gurney in an ambulance. After over three hours of being calm, my blood pressure still was at 180/150, which is classified as a hypertensive emergency -- 15 minutes later it was 150/130. I spent the three days before Christmas Eve in the looney bin, by myself, sleeping for 95% of the time. To this day that has been the worst mental breakdown I have ever had. I'm doing much better now, and haven't had a panic attack in months. I've learned much better coping skills as well and no longer have issues with self harm. Most days I forget I even have my scars until I see people staring, but it doesn't bother me anymore. People see them and come to me because they see that they are healed, and they want to get there too. My life is really turning around for the better, something I could never see happening 4 years ago. I am extremely grateful that despite going through hell, i'm still kicking and

Related Documents

  • Superior Essays

    I was unsuccessful in my first attempt and awoke in a hospital with my stomach being pumped. Refusing to give reasoning behind the attempt I was taken into Mary Lanning, the mental hospital in Kearny, where I stayed for three days recovering. Upon arrival back at school, another rumour followed that I had been missing due to an impromptu abortion that had occurred due to all the apparent sex I was having in order to support my drug…

    • 1117 Words
    • 5 Pages
    Superior Essays
  • Improved Essays

    Suddenly my world goes black and I go into a deep sleep. I awake with a very sharp and painful pain near my abdominal area I also noticed I had blood all over my legs. Days passed and I decided to go to the only person who cared about her despite her mistakes, her grandmother. My grandmother took me to the hospital where they figured out I was pregnant, by the only man who raped me. Also my grandmother told me that my main focus was school and leave working to her.…

    • 1884 Words
    • 8 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    I remember when I changed from a child into an adult as if it was yesterday, and it wasn 't one of my fondest memories. Growing up as the middle child and the only girl I had it the hardest. I didn 't get along with any of my parents, siblings, or any family for that matter. I was painfully shy and some of the men in my family took advantage of that. I was very young the first time I was molested and when my family found out about it they either blamed me for it.…

    • 767 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    My junior year was the worst year of my life. I found messages on my father 's phone from another woman, and told my mother. This caused my parents to separate, and in the end get divorced. Both of my parents became depressed, they were miserable all the time and argued constantly, and I was always the middle man. I wanted the madness to stop, but it never did.…

    • 1295 Words
    • 5 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    When we arrived to the Hospital he had already had two cardiac arrest, My mother started screaming, asking him to wake up, he began to have a third cardiac arrest the nurses took my mother out and he was taken to the Operating room. After surgery we waited for him to wake up and Doctors were not sure why he wasn 't waking up. They believed he had enter into a diabetic coma. Two days after on July 22 the wait he was diagnosed with brain death, and my mother was asked to unplug him form the…

    • 1109 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Superior Essays

    Three weeks later, I remember waking up on a Wednesday with a killer headache. The worst headache I had ever had, but I don’t remember how it felt. I called my dad because it was so painful and I layed on the couch and passed out. I was in the hospital and my doctor told me I was now diagnosed with epilepsy. It’s hard remembering what I actually remember from the incidents, and what…

    • 1599 Words
    • 7 Pages
    Superior Essays
  • Improved Essays

    She has suffered the interference of her ex-boyfriend by changing jobs and even when she did, he found her and beat her so severely she was sent to the hospital. He didn’t stop there. Her second day there she returned only to find him sitting on her hospital bed. Domestic violence related homicides are a national issue: there are two million injuries and 1,300 deaths as a result of domestic violence. These numbers show there is a fault in our system where we have failed to protect victims of domestic violence.…

    • 851 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    There was nothing to do besides wait for the pills to slowly creep their way through my empty body and kill me. The last thing I can commemorate before falling into what I thought was to be my death sleep, was vigorously slitting my wrists one last time. I woke up that night, disturbingly, to myself vomiting profusely, I was laying on my bathroom floor, feeling nothing mentally but everything, physically. My whole body was contorted with seizures and cramps, my heart rate was through the roof. That is when my parents found me, they had known just by the condition my body that I was in, I had overdosed, there was white discharge all over my clothes and I was unresponsive.…

    • 955 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    Narrative Essay Father

    • 1739 Words
    • 7 Pages

    It absolutely terrified me that she was starving herself to death. I’ve seen my sister every day of my life, but for the first time after mom’s death I could not recognize her. Dad had signed me up for a therapist which I thought was ridiculous. I believed I was holding onto sanity better than he was. He said that my teachers at school noticed that I was falling behind in class.…

    • 1739 Words
    • 7 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    Like flipping a light switch! My life was fairly typical and predictable, then, four years ago this month I learned my mother had breast cancer. She and my father sat my older brother and me down and broke the news to us. I was simultaneously stunned, confused, fearful, and sad. I was only in the eighth grade, and I did not completely understand all the ramifications this would bring to my family and me.…

    • 498 Words
    • 2 Pages
    Improved Essays