Connor Heuer
English 121
October 31, 2017
My Experience With Depression And Self Harm Mental illnesses more or less run in my family, so needless to say my childhood was a struggle. I never understood what was wrong with me. I couldn't get along with kids older than me because I was too immature, and couldn't hang out with kids younger than me because I was too smart. This led to me getting bullied a lot when I was in elementary/middle school and into the beginning of high school. My depression reached its pinnacle in the beginning of tenth grade, when I started to cut myself. I don't remember the beginning well. One night I just picked up one of my knives, and gave myself a laceration on my upper left arm that changed my life forever. I …show more content…
I classify this as my first phase of self harm, which ended after my mom caught me and threatened to send me to a mental hospital; the second phase happened after I broke up with my first serious girlfriend.
I cut myself ten times that night on my lower left forearm. That night was the first night I ever seriously contemplated suicide. My home life was falling apart, with my parents divorcing, and my social was non-existent. As I laid there in bed coming down from that high -- I almost did it. I woke up the next morning covered in blood, a towel I had used to wipe some of the blood up still laying on top of me and my knife still in my hand. Quite frankly I wasn't even bothered by this. A few months later I got expelled. I was a stupid kid trying to impress my friends, I went too far and I paid the price. When I got picked up from school by my dad I went down to my room and balled my eyes out. I poured out a bottle of tylenol in my hand and seriously debated ending my life. Luckily I wasn't able to go through with it and put the pills back in the bottle. That was my worst mental breakdown for a long time. For about a year and a half at …show more content…
My mom saw the the blood on me when I came out and flipped a lid. She drove me straight to the hospital, from there I received a first class ride to a crisis center strapped down on a gurney in an ambulance. After over three hours of being calm, my blood pressure still was at 180/150, which is classified as a hypertensive emergency -- 15 minutes later it was 150/130. I spent the three days before Christmas Eve in the looney bin, by myself, sleeping for 95% of the time. To this day that has been the worst mental breakdown I have ever had. I'm doing much better now, and haven't had a panic attack in months. I've learned much better coping skills as well and no longer have issues with self harm. Most days I forget I even have my scars until I see people staring, but it doesn't bother me anymore. People see them and come to me because they see that they are healed, and they want to get there too. My life is really turning around for the better, something I could never see happening 4 years ago. I am extremely grateful that despite going through hell, i'm still kicking and
English 121
October 31, 2017
My Experience With Depression And Self Harm Mental illnesses more or less run in my family, so needless to say my childhood was a struggle. I never understood what was wrong with me. I couldn't get along with kids older than me because I was too immature, and couldn't hang out with kids younger than me because I was too smart. This led to me getting bullied a lot when I was in elementary/middle school and into the beginning of high school. My depression reached its pinnacle in the beginning of tenth grade, when I started to cut myself. I don't remember the beginning well. One night I just picked up one of my knives, and gave myself a laceration on my upper left arm that changed my life forever. I …show more content…
I classify this as my first phase of self harm, which ended after my mom caught me and threatened to send me to a mental hospital; the second phase happened after I broke up with my first serious girlfriend.
I cut myself ten times that night on my lower left forearm. That night was the first night I ever seriously contemplated suicide. My home life was falling apart, with my parents divorcing, and my social was non-existent. As I laid there in bed coming down from that high -- I almost did it. I woke up the next morning covered in blood, a towel I had used to wipe some of the blood up still laying on top of me and my knife still in my hand. Quite frankly I wasn't even bothered by this. A few months later I got expelled. I was a stupid kid trying to impress my friends, I went too far and I paid the price. When I got picked up from school by my dad I went down to my room and balled my eyes out. I poured out a bottle of tylenol in my hand and seriously debated ending my life. Luckily I wasn't able to go through with it and put the pills back in the bottle. That was my worst mental breakdown for a long time. For about a year and a half at …show more content…
My mom saw the the blood on me when I came out and flipped a lid. She drove me straight to the hospital, from there I received a first class ride to a crisis center strapped down on a gurney in an ambulance. After over three hours of being calm, my blood pressure still was at 180/150, which is classified as a hypertensive emergency -- 15 minutes later it was 150/130. I spent the three days before Christmas Eve in the looney bin, by myself, sleeping for 95% of the time. To this day that has been the worst mental breakdown I have ever had. I'm doing much better now, and haven't had a panic attack in months. I've learned much better coping skills as well and no longer have issues with self harm. Most days I forget I even have my scars until I see people staring, but it doesn't bother me anymore. People see them and come to me because they see that they are healed, and they want to get there too. My life is really turning around for the better, something I could never see happening 4 years ago. I am extremely grateful that despite going through hell, i'm still kicking and