The story was a very interesting setting, but it needs some things to be improve in order to make this story into a great one. The first thing is a more explanation on how they got into the house. The first page as it describes It was a little confusing to know what was happening, and it is never explain how they got there. The second thing was how the story used the word woman and later it was revealed it was the girlfriend. Maybe it will help that instead of referring to her as the woman at the beginning of the story, start it stating that she is the girlfriend at the beginning. Third, Patrick reasoning to go and break in his girlfriend’s house. He is there to find a reason to break up with this person, but we really don’t know why he feels the need to break up with her. We don’t have any clue for his motivation. Why does he need to find a reason to break up with her, can’t he just break up with her just like that, give a cliché phrase. If it was in a comedy setting it will work, if so apply more comedy to the story to solve this problem. Finally, Patrick reason to break up with her because she has a kid. It felt a little rush, as the previous thing mention in a comedy setting it will work.
