Overcoming Sleeping Disorder: Personal Experience Essay

1176 Words Jun 13th, 2012 5 Pages
I have always had problems sleeping due to trauma and have struggled for years to help myself control my insomnia and not let it control me. Sometimes it would come in handy and I could use it to my advantage but most of the time it just ruined me, my attitude, my focus, and my ability to cope. Naps were out of the question, I would literally have to stay awake until my body and mind gave out, something had to give eventually. No matter what I did, how much I exercised, what I ate, how much caffeine I didn’t drink, what medications I tried, it all never really helped me. I was so sick of always just putting a band aid on everything and it never ever solved the underlying problem. There were a few things I had started doing in order to …show more content…
Once the fantasy started to become a reality, the memories wouldn’t stop playing, over and over again they went and I was again powerless to defend myself, the only thing I could do was repress the memories but it only made things worse. The nightmares were worse than ever and if I wanted to sleep, I had to figure something out and quick so I began to research. I found studies on sleep disorders linked to behavioral changes and realized my difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep could be helped. The lucid dreaming I experienced every night, the rapid eye movement, the paradoxical sleep, all deprived me of the sleep I desperately needed. Some nights I would literally toss and turn, lash out, scream, and cry until I would wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing and I could at least wake up to escape the nightmare. Other nights I would feel like I was suffocating, like something was holding me down, I knew this was when I was lucid dreaming because the lights wouldn’t turn on and the clock wouldn’t show time, most of the time I would be trapped and hoping I would wake up eventually. No matter what, I didn’t look forward to going to sleep but at the same time, I really wanted to, needed to. I decided to start writing a journal, I began prying at my brain trying to get out and uncover whatever was bothering me. I used it like a container; I could take it out and use it when I needed it. A lot of the time, I would write poetry about the

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