October Logan Monologue

Well, here goes nothing. Saturday Logan texts me wants to hang out. We do. He looks in the glove box in my car, I don't know why probably for napkins or something. He finds a paper that I forgot about. It's the paper I got from my doctor diagnosing me with major depression disorder and adjustment disorder with depressed mood. Great, now Logan knows. At this point I think the only person I told about my depression was you, and I only briefly mentioned it in a text once. The rest of the day goes on he doesn't mention it until we're in Medina dropping off Taylor. Now it's just me and him with a half hour drive ahead of us. We talk about it. He asks if I'm suicidal, I say no, he knows I'm lying. As he's getting out of my car he looks at me and says "I love …show more content…
I'll be happy for the first time in a long time and then come crashing back down. We get to steak n shake and you know something is wrong. I think you asked what was wrong or if something was bothering me. I just say the usual "I'll be fine". You say "promise?" "Promise." Which is a lie. You probably knew that when I said it. We drop Tom off and you try to get me to talk about what's going on. I just say "I don't know". I wanted to talk, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. On the way back to Teriyaki's you try and get me to just talk at all. I'm just not in the mood. We get there I don't say anything. We hugged and that's when I broke. You said something as I walked away. I don't know what but I just gave a thumbs up because if I talked you would know that I was crying. Even though I think you could tell. I get in my car and drive. I think I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to kill myself. I just floored it and just hoped something would happen. Just hoped that the car would veer off the road, maybe hit a tree or a telephone pole and people would just think that it was an accident. But then something changed. I thought of you and Logan. I honestly didn't kill myself because of you and