The Roller Coaster Ride The summer of 2017 was exhausting mentally, physically, and emotionally. Nevertheless, this past summer changed my life and my overall outlook on life. My experience was similar to Langston Hughes’ narrative “Salvation.” His emotional story explained how his outlook on God and the church changed due to one event. After he lied to his family and the congregation of the church, he felt alone and lost. One small event changed his life forever and, as for me, I can say the same. While Hughes could not find God, I found him and he saved me. Leaving the last day of my sophomore year, I did not realize I was preparing to strap into a long and arduous roller coaster ride. All roller coasters are, in hindsight, the same.
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In my case, the depression was coming soon. Once I came speeding down to the first dip in the ride was when my depression made its appearance. The thick layer of sadness and hopelessness settled on my brain. Causing me to sit in my room at night gasping for breath in between each sob and thinking ‘I hate myself’ or ‘why do I have to be here?’. I could not be left alone at night because my thoughts would go to dark places. Places where there was no light, happiness, or a positive outcome. Most nights I would cry myself to sleep feeling lost and alone because of a guy who I once thought loved me. At one point I had become so depressed a simple activity, such as walking up the stairs, felt like I was running a marathon. My days typically consisted of me laying in bed staring up at my ceiling letting my thoughts paralyze me. I would watch my fan blades spin around and around I knew that this is the end. I knew there was no way I could be happy again. I would go to bed thinking, “I would not mind if I did not wake up the next morning.” I would make an attempt to spend time with my close friends; I would plaster a fake smile on my face hoping they could not see how broken I was. I can vividly remember one night, I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life. It started with crying. Sobs escaped my mouth and tears ran down my face. Then I began to hyperventilate. Catching my breath became almost impossible. I was scared, I took a few steps out of my room and then just sat on the ground, unable to move. This was it, this was the end. I thought I had crashed into the ground, to my amazement, the coaster went back up
In my case, the depression was coming soon. Once I came speeding down to the first dip in the ride was when my depression made its appearance. The thick layer of sadness and hopelessness settled on my brain. Causing me to sit in my room at night gasping for breath in between each sob and thinking ‘I hate myself’ or ‘why do I have to be here?’. I could not be left alone at night because my thoughts would go to dark places. Places where there was no light, happiness, or a positive outcome. Most nights I would cry myself to sleep feeling lost and alone because of a guy who I once thought loved me. At one point I had become so depressed a simple activity, such as walking up the stairs, felt like I was running a marathon. My days typically consisted of me laying in bed staring up at my ceiling letting my thoughts paralyze me. I would watch my fan blades spin around and around I knew that this is the end. I knew there was no way I could be happy again. I would go to bed thinking, “I would not mind if I did not wake up the next morning.” I would make an attempt to spend time with my close friends; I would plaster a fake smile on my face hoping they could not see how broken I was. I can vividly remember one night, I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life. It started with crying. Sobs escaped my mouth and tears ran down my face. Then I began to hyperventilate. Catching my breath became almost impossible. I was scared, I took a few steps out of my room and then just sat on the ground, unable to move. This was it, this was the end. I thought I had crashed into the ground, to my amazement, the coaster went back up