Time Between Times.
I lounged in the same spot, an old patio chair minus the cushions on my back deck, and watched my kids come and go. They are a flurry of youthful exuberance. Fighting, screaming, yipping, laughing, and talking a mile a minute-- bare feet, bug bites, and snack-hungry tummies—they demanded and took but also gave kisses and breathless hugs. The sun shifted and changed as I watched. Shadows engulfed the yard. The sun and the moon faced one another. The time between times fell, not yet night but no longer fully day. I listened to the ocean-like tide of cars mix with the chirps of both bird and cricket. All was as it should be. Cut grass, smoke from a neighbor’s grill, nothing new or special. So I tried another time and another. …show more content…
So I became more proactive. Hyper-focused on details, I did find something. My To-do list. A board needed nailed down again on the steps, and the deck re-staining, and weeding to be done, and flowerpots to be cleaned and brought in before the cold hit, and toys to be picked up, and, and, …show more content…
Kayana, noble, true, the perfect version of myself, Alysa, young, injured, the spunkiest version of myself. Then my villains strode forth from the woods: Faolan sick, tortured yet posed of a twisted sense of wisdom and humor, Bradley cold, cruel, highly intelligent and Marcus who so thickly wrapped shadows about himself he was little more than a feeling of menace and hatred. Up rose my heroes to meet them, Cian, strong, fiery, brave, and Dax protector and encourager. Secondary characters filled in ranks on either side of the battlefield.
I half expected to be able to write my next chapter, but just as I thought that they would meet in battle, they all swirled into one figure. I held my breath as the figure drew close. The obscured face cleared and I saw myself. Exactly as I am.
I had reflected facets of myself into my story all along. They are me. I’d always thought of them as separate, as characters, not as… well, me. My kids raced past, shouting and laughing. I sighed and opened my eyes. Sun and shadow come flooding back along with chirping of bird and cricket. If I can be strong and weak, hero and villain, then there’s no reason to force myself to be anything other than a wonderful paradox. No reason to try to force this time in my life to be either or. I can and should be happy in the time between
I lounged in the same spot, an old patio chair minus the cushions on my back deck, and watched my kids come and go. They are a flurry of youthful exuberance. Fighting, screaming, yipping, laughing, and talking a mile a minute-- bare feet, bug bites, and snack-hungry tummies—they demanded and took but also gave kisses and breathless hugs. The sun shifted and changed as I watched. Shadows engulfed the yard. The sun and the moon faced one another. The time between times fell, not yet night but no longer fully day. I listened to the ocean-like tide of cars mix with the chirps of both bird and cricket. All was as it should be. Cut grass, smoke from a neighbor’s grill, nothing new or special. So I tried another time and another. …show more content…
So I became more proactive. Hyper-focused on details, I did find something. My To-do list. A board needed nailed down again on the steps, and the deck re-staining, and weeding to be done, and flowerpots to be cleaned and brought in before the cold hit, and toys to be picked up, and, and, …show more content…
Kayana, noble, true, the perfect version of myself, Alysa, young, injured, the spunkiest version of myself. Then my villains strode forth from the woods: Faolan sick, tortured yet posed of a twisted sense of wisdom and humor, Bradley cold, cruel, highly intelligent and Marcus who so thickly wrapped shadows about himself he was little more than a feeling of menace and hatred. Up rose my heroes to meet them, Cian, strong, fiery, brave, and Dax protector and encourager. Secondary characters filled in ranks on either side of the battlefield.
I half expected to be able to write my next chapter, but just as I thought that they would meet in battle, they all swirled into one figure. I held my breath as the figure drew close. The obscured face cleared and I saw myself. Exactly as I am.
I had reflected facets of myself into my story all along. They are me. I’d always thought of them as separate, as characters, not as… well, me. My kids raced past, shouting and laughing. I sighed and opened my eyes. Sun and shadow come flooding back along with chirping of bird and cricket. If I can be strong and weak, hero and villain, then there’s no reason to force myself to be anything other than a wonderful paradox. No reason to try to force this time in my life to be either or. I can and should be happy in the time between