A struggling single father hopes to win a million dollar prize by entering a competition to replace an injured Santa, save Christmas, and impress his young daughter.
STORY COMMENTS ON FIRST 30 PAGES
MY SANTA HERO is a sweet title for this family friendly holiday tale. The first 30 pages clearly defines the goal of saving Christmas, his family, and winning a million dollars. The emotional goal is trying to impress his young daughter.
The idea of saving Christmas isn’t considered highly unique, but it’s a tried and true holiday concept that will always be enjoyable. The idea of a competition for the role of Santa, however, is a lot of fun. One can easily emotionally engage to the idea.
The first 30 pages presents with plenty of strengths. The …show more content…
It appears that everyone accepts that there’s a real Santa Claus. One has to wonder if that’s the right story choice or if the contest should just be a Santa contest (that’s rigged) and then Penny finds the real Santa (who is hurt or gets hurt in the third act, forcing Rit to really save Christmas), but Penny doesn’t believe him. The real Santa convinces her that he’s real (lie detector test) and together they help her father. Maybe they discover that one of the other contestants is a plant working for Nicklepinch and is rigged to win.
With that said, there’s nothing wrong with a world in which Santa is real, but normally part of the magic is making others believe.
The dialogue clearly reflects each character’s personality. The opening dialogue sounds a bit weak and on the nose.
Consider the comedy style. The opening scene feels a bit cartoonish versus based on reality. Just be careful of making characters feel too exaggerated. The fantasy element may or may not work. However, it is fun to see Angie as a witch. It perfectly fits her persona. There’s also a funny twist when it’s revealed that George is Rit’s father.
Thus, the first 30 pages do a good job of hooking the
STORY COMMENTS ON FIRST 30 PAGES
MY SANTA HERO is a sweet title for this family friendly holiday tale. The first 30 pages clearly defines the goal of saving Christmas, his family, and winning a million dollars. The emotional goal is trying to impress his young daughter.
The idea of saving Christmas isn’t considered highly unique, but it’s a tried and true holiday concept that will always be enjoyable. The idea of a competition for the role of Santa, however, is a lot of fun. One can easily emotionally engage to the idea.
The first 30 pages presents with plenty of strengths. The …show more content…
It appears that everyone accepts that there’s a real Santa Claus. One has to wonder if that’s the right story choice or if the contest should just be a Santa contest (that’s rigged) and then Penny finds the real Santa (who is hurt or gets hurt in the third act, forcing Rit to really save Christmas), but Penny doesn’t believe him. The real Santa convinces her that he’s real (lie detector test) and together they help her father. Maybe they discover that one of the other contestants is a plant working for Nicklepinch and is rigged to win.
With that said, there’s nothing wrong with a world in which Santa is real, but normally part of the magic is making others believe.
The dialogue clearly reflects each character’s personality. The opening dialogue sounds a bit weak and on the nose.
Consider the comedy style. The opening scene feels a bit cartoonish versus based on reality. Just be careful of making characters feel too exaggerated. The fantasy element may or may not work. However, it is fun to see Angie as a witch. It perfectly fits her persona. There’s also a funny twist when it’s revealed that George is Rit’s father.
Thus, the first 30 pages do a good job of hooking the