I have a small identity crisis every time I am asked where I’m from. My first
instinct is to say I’m American. However, I always struggle to say it because of how I
look. I’m not your average blue eyed and blonde haired American; I’m your brown eyed,
brown haired, and tan skinned American that lives right by the border and is always
asked to be a translator. One thing I failed to mention, I can only say about three phrases
in Spanish.
It’s hard to believe that my first words were in Spanish. It’s even harder to believe
that I could speak it fluently as kid. I could carry out conversations with my grandparents
and speak to my nanny about what I wanted to be when I grew up. However, after I
started Pre-school almost all of that …show more content…
Growing up, I lived on mainstream television and movies. This and the
paradoxical nature of El Paso Mexican culture greatly distorted my perception of being a
Mexican. The media’s hypersexualized representation of a Latina did not appeal to me. I
grew up too American to believe that I am like the Latinas on T.V. And I was reminded
constantly that I am from the same culture. I don’t wear the tight fitting dresses or skirts.
I’m more like the American tomboy who wears shorts and baggy shirts so I spent most of
my time trying to look and act like a “real” American as told through Hollywood. I tried
to make my hair lighter with spays and dyes, used flat iron to try to straighten it, pined for
blue contacts, and completely lost the accent I had as a child. No matter how hard I tried
to hide who I was, it was impossible. Now, years later, I am thankful I was never
successful. My inaccurate and offensive perception of Latinas meant these attributes not
only signaled I was an “other” in my own environment, but to me it represented poverty
lack of education, and unhappiness. I’ve always had ambitious goals for myself
instinct is to say I’m American. However, I always struggle to say it because of how I
look. I’m not your average blue eyed and blonde haired American; I’m your brown eyed,
brown haired, and tan skinned American that lives right by the border and is always
asked to be a translator. One thing I failed to mention, I can only say about three phrases
in Spanish.
It’s hard to believe that my first words were in Spanish. It’s even harder to believe
that I could speak it fluently as kid. I could carry out conversations with my grandparents
and speak to my nanny about what I wanted to be when I grew up. However, after I
started Pre-school almost all of that …show more content…
Growing up, I lived on mainstream television and movies. This and the
paradoxical nature of El Paso Mexican culture greatly distorted my perception of being a
Mexican. The media’s hypersexualized representation of a Latina did not appeal to me. I
grew up too American to believe that I am like the Latinas on T.V. And I was reminded
constantly that I am from the same culture. I don’t wear the tight fitting dresses or skirts.
I’m more like the American tomboy who wears shorts and baggy shirts so I spent most of
my time trying to look and act like a “real” American as told through Hollywood. I tried
to make my hair lighter with spays and dyes, used flat iron to try to straighten it, pined for
blue contacts, and completely lost the accent I had as a child. No matter how hard I tried
to hide who I was, it was impossible. Now, years later, I am thankful I was never
successful. My inaccurate and offensive perception of Latinas meant these attributes not
only signaled I was an “other” in my own environment, but to me it represented poverty
lack of education, and unhappiness. I’ve always had ambitious goals for myself