I wanted to write more to you about my experiences and changes since returning to Jerusalem a few weeks ago. I was always embarrassed and afraid to tell you about how I lost my faith and connection to G-d after the passing of my Grandparents. It was easier for me to stop believing in G-d rather than indulge in my contempt. My anger did not stem towards their deaths. Death is part of life, but it was instead directed at how they passed. Their humanity was robbed from them during their last year. This was especially true for my Grandmother who I admired more than anyone else. A person who walked in the Civil Rights Movement; taught the blind, deaf and handicap; traveled around the world; enlightened of the best found within the arts and most
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The relationship grew worse and worse because of emotional, psychological and even physical abuse committed by her against me. (At this point in time, I have had to block her from all communications.) Despite all the problems with the relationship, there were many fundamental fault lines including my faith and relationship to Israel. More than once, she utilised guilt and control over me by threatening suicide in the hope to finally disconnect me from any possibility to return to my Judaism. She defended the student who called Jews a 'made-up people ' and continual bashed the existence of the 'evil Zionist state '. I had to ask permission to travel to Israel for the fieldwork program, which I have just finished. For weeks I was attacked for wanting to travel to learn about Israel. At one point, I was willing to not go on the research trip. Instead, I would just go to reconnect with family members I had not seen in ten years. Despite this plea, she continued to refuse saying that going to reconnect with family in Israel was just as bad as the 'Zionist propaganda ' I would receive on any research trip to Israel. I quickly realised once in Israel that for any future between us, I would have to disconnect from my heritage. While my belief in G-d and my religion was gone, I knew keeping my heritage and some connection to Israel would provide me a way back to my
The relationship grew worse and worse because of emotional, psychological and even physical abuse committed by her against me. (At this point in time, I have had to block her from all communications.) Despite all the problems with the relationship, there were many fundamental fault lines including my faith and relationship to Israel. More than once, she utilised guilt and control over me by threatening suicide in the hope to finally disconnect me from any possibility to return to my Judaism. She defended the student who called Jews a 'made-up people ' and continual bashed the existence of the 'evil Zionist state '. I had to ask permission to travel to Israel for the fieldwork program, which I have just finished. For weeks I was attacked for wanting to travel to learn about Israel. At one point, I was willing to not go on the research trip. Instead, I would just go to reconnect with family members I had not seen in ten years. Despite this plea, she continued to refuse saying that going to reconnect with family in Israel was just as bad as the 'Zionist propaganda ' I would receive on any research trip to Israel. I quickly realised once in Israel that for any future between us, I would have to disconnect from my heritage. While my belief in G-d and my religion was gone, I knew keeping my heritage and some connection to Israel would provide me a way back to my