My experiences with mental illness started with my first suicidal though at age eight. Back then, I hadn 't developed many close relationships, and I struggled with being an only child. At the time, I thought it was the only way to end the overwhelming loneliness I felt. I tried to talk to others about how I felt, omitting the part about suicide, but I was dismissed on account of how "lucky" I supposedly was as an only child. …show more content…
Little did I know, I was dealing with the onset of clinical depression. I wasn 't formally diagnosed until I was sixteen, about six months after an abrupt break-up. Several of my friends nudged me in the direction of the counselor of my online school. It wasn 't until my counselor called my parents that I realized that my suicidal thoughts were considered an actual issue. I can still hear how her voice cracked, and how she fought back tears as she explained that I needed to go to the hospital for a psychological evaluation. Even after my diagnosis was official, it was difficult to get the treatment and support I needed. I had relatives who refused to listen when I wanted to talk about my feelings. They insisted that I just needed to force myself to stay positive and forget about everything that had happened to me. I didn 't bother to argue that straining myself to keep my chin up was one of the many factors that contributed to my suicidal thoughts. I also despised myself for struggling so much with positivity in the first place. Moreover, I began to have my doubts about mental health professionals because of negative experiences I had with my ex-therapist and ex-psychiatrist.
In a way, my first experiences with mental health professionals made my current therapist and psychiatrist all the more valuable to me. When I first explained to them what I was going through, I felt understood, and that I was with people