I decided to try and get myself checked into a psychiatric hospital, I wanted to feel better. They told me "You aren't severe enough." When I walked out of the building, I lost it. I broke down, I screamed because I didn't even want my parents to look at me. I had one of my friends with me, he had been in one of those places before. When we got in the car, he just held me and pet my hair while I stared out the window. I was just so broken feeling.
I always joke about my depression when I'm around people, but at the end of the day, when I'm alone, it isn't a joking matter.
A couple of more weeks at school, I decided that I wanted to be homeschooled. It didn't work out because my mom is so sick, and my dad is hardly at home because …show more content…
I was so stressed, I ended up starving myself for four days after we got back. About two months or so before school started again, the anxiety had gotten so horrible, worse than it has ever been before. I won't be able to write out how it felt, because absolutely nothing can compare to this fear, and feeling. Nothing felt real. Silence brought fear. Looking in the mirror terrified me. Just thinking about anxiety scared me, but that's just about all I could think about. My own voice scared me. I realized I existed, and I hated it. It was terrifying, I wanted it to stop. Nothing could stop it. I could hardly sleep, because all I felt was the pain and fear of actually existing. Feeling my heartbeat in my own chest made me want to cry, I couldn't handle how terrifying it felt. This went on for months. I didn't leave my house for two of those months. I stayed in my room to try and avoid any noises besides my fan, and music sometimes. Even then, just being in my own room with nothing to affect me, the anxiety didn't stop. I tried to sleep it away. When I actually managed to fall asleep, I had dreams of my anxiety. Will I ever escape from …show more content…
It is what should be my senior year of highschool, but I am a junior again because of what happened the year before, with my mental health, and my decision to see if homeschool could help that. My anxiety started back a little, but not as bad. I can't stand school... I started feeling horrible about everything, and self loathing so bad. I started peeling the skin off my hands with my nails, scratching it off.
Everyone is so worried now... My mother cried, my little sister wanted to doctor me. My girlfriend wants to help, she kisses my hand. My other two friends beg me to stop. My dad hasn't been home to see it. My grandpa came over and saw it, he got so upset and it hurt my heart so bad, I went inside and started crying. Another friend grabbed my hands and told me "Your hands are making me sad." Everyone worrying about me like this just makes me want to do it more. My hands are starting to scar, and I hate myself
I always joke about my depression when I'm around people, but at the end of the day, when I'm alone, it isn't a joking matter.
A couple of more weeks at school, I decided that I wanted to be homeschooled. It didn't work out because my mom is so sick, and my dad is hardly at home because …show more content…
I was so stressed, I ended up starving myself for four days after we got back. About two months or so before school started again, the anxiety had gotten so horrible, worse than it has ever been before. I won't be able to write out how it felt, because absolutely nothing can compare to this fear, and feeling. Nothing felt real. Silence brought fear. Looking in the mirror terrified me. Just thinking about anxiety scared me, but that's just about all I could think about. My own voice scared me. I realized I existed, and I hated it. It was terrifying, I wanted it to stop. Nothing could stop it. I could hardly sleep, because all I felt was the pain and fear of actually existing. Feeling my heartbeat in my own chest made me want to cry, I couldn't handle how terrifying it felt. This went on for months. I didn't leave my house for two of those months. I stayed in my room to try and avoid any noises besides my fan, and music sometimes. Even then, just being in my own room with nothing to affect me, the anxiety didn't stop. I tried to sleep it away. When I actually managed to fall asleep, I had dreams of my anxiety. Will I ever escape from …show more content…
It is what should be my senior year of highschool, but I am a junior again because of what happened the year before, with my mental health, and my decision to see if homeschool could help that. My anxiety started back a little, but not as bad. I can't stand school... I started feeling horrible about everything, and self loathing so bad. I started peeling the skin off my hands with my nails, scratching it off.
Everyone is so worried now... My mother cried, my little sister wanted to doctor me. My girlfriend wants to help, she kisses my hand. My other two friends beg me to stop. My dad hasn't been home to see it. My grandpa came over and saw it, he got so upset and it hurt my heart so bad, I went inside and started crying. Another friend grabbed my hands and told me "Your hands are making me sad." Everyone worrying about me like this just makes me want to do it more. My hands are starting to scar, and I hate myself