Choice of Ending the Cycle
Lawrence Miller Jr.
April 25, 2015
When does the cycle come to an end? Better yet do I start the process to change the cycle? I sit for days on end, trying to collect my thoughts of what I picture my life would be like, rather than the images of my childhood. Images of my mother being beaten by my father, will forever be a stained memory in my brain. Missing out on growing up with my siblings, because of the choices I made. The only solution my mother could come to was sending me away. This cycle of being a deadbeat father, uneducated, abusive and alcoholic now I was carrying the burden on my shoulders. One day I said I can’t continue down this path. After all the
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I remember back in 1993, one cold night in Bloomington, IL, I watched my father brutally beat my mother. I stood there helpless and unable to protect my mother. As time went on the beatings and abuse became worse. Finally, my mother had enough and called the police. I was in the 3rd grade when my mother and father divorced. I really didn’t understand why I didn’t see my father anymore. I began to have so much hatred toward my mother. I started blaming my mother for his absence. I began to act out, using drugs and alcohol to cope with the pain. One day I fought my mother, she called the police and I was taken into custody. I was sent to a juvenile detention center and then to a teenage AA/NA rehab center for 30 days. I was released and shipped to live with my aunt and uncle in Chicago. As a pre-teen, I started the 8th grade in a new city and new school. This move seemed to be the worse move yet. Now, I have no mother or father I felt alone. As time elapsed it actually started to look good and actually in my favor. I started playing football to channel my anger and aggression in a positive way. I became an instant star in my new city, but trouble wasn’t following too far behind me. The dark side of me began to awaken again, lashing out and looking for answers. I was so hurt being separated from my brother and sister all along I just wanted my family back together. My parents missed all of my accomplishments in high school and never saw me