MEMORY is a proposed one-hour pilot. It combines drama, mystery, and sci-fi. The tone is consistently dramatic. The action sequences are well crafted. The goal is fairy clear in the beginning, and the stakes are high. The protagonist is driven by his quest for the truth and for justice. The idea of genetic memory is very intriguing and certainly captures one’s attention.
While there are definite strengths to the presentation, the pilot could benefit from more development. The story opens with a strong teaser establishing the tone and the backstory. So far the audience is hooked. However, it’s after the teaser that more development would help clarify the pilot and the direction of the series.
First, the central character is Adam. It’s his need to know what happened to his mother and find out about his father that drives the pilot and/or show. However, Adam isn’t introduced in the pilot until page 10. This feels fairly late in the structure. On the other hand, the introduction of Adam with him jumping from the plane is well crafted and strong. It establishes him as a dare devil and a man who likes to take risks. It’s a nice hero’s introduction. However, …show more content…
There are also a few concerns about their introduction. JJ talks like an uneducated mobster, yet if understanding correctly, he’s also the son of Lloyd. It doesn’t feel believable that he would talk this way if he grew up in this wealthy home with Lloyd. The dialogue sounds too exaggerated. For example: “Yo. He aint hisself.” Later, “Gimme dat,” and “Dey aint getting’ wat’s mine.” T-Bone also sounds very similar to JJ.
The second concern is that Lloyd has features that are burned beyond recognition etc. The audience never understands what this is about. Years ago in the opening explosion he was in the crowd and not hurt in the explosion, so it’s unclear if his condition is related or not. Perhaps this can be
While there are definite strengths to the presentation, the pilot could benefit from more development. The story opens with a strong teaser establishing the tone and the backstory. So far the audience is hooked. However, it’s after the teaser that more development would help clarify the pilot and the direction of the series.
First, the central character is Adam. It’s his need to know what happened to his mother and find out about his father that drives the pilot and/or show. However, Adam isn’t introduced in the pilot until page 10. This feels fairly late in the structure. On the other hand, the introduction of Adam with him jumping from the plane is well crafted and strong. It establishes him as a dare devil and a man who likes to take risks. It’s a nice hero’s introduction. However, …show more content…
There are also a few concerns about their introduction. JJ talks like an uneducated mobster, yet if understanding correctly, he’s also the son of Lloyd. It doesn’t feel believable that he would talk this way if he grew up in this wealthy home with Lloyd. The dialogue sounds too exaggerated. For example: “Yo. He aint hisself.” Later, “Gimme dat,” and “Dey aint getting’ wat’s mine.” T-Bone also sounds very similar to JJ.
The second concern is that Lloyd has features that are burned beyond recognition etc. The audience never understands what this is about. Years ago in the opening explosion he was in the crowd and not hurt in the explosion, so it’s unclear if his condition is related or not. Perhaps this can be