Nicholas, I like your aspirations about being influenced by the pop star, Michael Jackson. Personally, I am a Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 fan because he experienced a lot of negative criticism and predicaments throughout his musical career. Your topic of explaining Michael Jackson’s life is very clear. Although the overall essay has obvious main points, it still needs some improvement. I am very confused on your thesis statement. Actually, I’m unsure if you placed one in your introduction paragraph. I suggest that you come up with specific skills or methods you learned from Michael Jackson’s personal life. Ask questions on how it can apply to your life in the musical industry or at Full Sail. Your conclusion is quite strong, but I feel
