In July I was in the worst place of my life. I was depressed, anxious, and suicidal. Unfortunately, I have been dealing with mental illness my entire life and seeking treatment since middle school, however it had never been quite this serious. One night when I was home alone, everything became overwhelming and I had a mental breakdown. My mental breakdown led to months of intensive therapy and changed my life forever.
In the middle of July, the nights were hot, sticky, and fleeting. My sister and mother left me home alone while they went to the Redlands Bowl to watch a show. As they left I could feel my heart beating in my chest and the panic beginning to set in. I peered down at my hands and saw them trembling uncontrollably and every breath …show more content…
However, this feeling was fleeting and it crumbled away into more panic. When I realized what I had done, I began to weep uncontrollably and fear the repercussions of my actions. I called my mother crying, begging her to come home and consequently made her panic and become worried for my safety. Afterword, I turned the shower on as hot as it could become and stepped in. I layed on the the floor of the tub and sobbed until no more sound came out. I pressed my cheek to the cool porcelain of the tub and felt the contrast between the coolness of the porcelain and the heat of the …show more content…
The last time I had a major breakdown she took me and I narrowly avoided being admitted and I was scared to go back. Seeing the pain and fear on my mother’s face made me realize, I needed to work and try to get better. I soon was admitted into a partial hospitalization program followed by an intensive outpatient program that I currently am in today.
My perspectives on life and my goals changed when I realized how much my mental illness hurt not only myself but my family. Before this incident I had no goals and had no outlook on my life, now my goal is to start to heal. I have been working on my mental health and learning to how to handle nights when I feel the same way I did that fateful July night and I now want to actually live through high school and maybe make it to
In the middle of July, the nights were hot, sticky, and fleeting. My sister and mother left me home alone while they went to the Redlands Bowl to watch a show. As they left I could feel my heart beating in my chest and the panic beginning to set in. I peered down at my hands and saw them trembling uncontrollably and every breath …show more content…
However, this feeling was fleeting and it crumbled away into more panic. When I realized what I had done, I began to weep uncontrollably and fear the repercussions of my actions. I called my mother crying, begging her to come home and consequently made her panic and become worried for my safety. Afterword, I turned the shower on as hot as it could become and stepped in. I layed on the the floor of the tub and sobbed until no more sound came out. I pressed my cheek to the cool porcelain of the tub and felt the contrast between the coolness of the porcelain and the heat of the …show more content…
The last time I had a major breakdown she took me and I narrowly avoided being admitted and I was scared to go back. Seeing the pain and fear on my mother’s face made me realize, I needed to work and try to get better. I soon was admitted into a partial hospitalization program followed by an intensive outpatient program that I currently am in today.
My perspectives on life and my goals changed when I realized how much my mental illness hurt not only myself but my family. Before this incident I had no goals and had no outlook on my life, now my goal is to start to heal. I have been working on my mental health and learning to how to handle nights when I feel the same way I did that fateful July night and I now want to actually live through high school and maybe make it to