The first thing I changed was the last two lines of the first stanza. I switched the statement that it was a Memorial Day Parade with the weather description since I felt that the heat was a bigger theme in the poem, but it was still important to state it was a parade so the reader could understand the context.
The second stanza’s first few lines were changed because I thought the new wording incorporated the sound of the parade with the feel of being there. I thought including this detail would give a concise image of before the speaker was unwelcomingly kissed. The rest of the stanza remained the same because the words hard been carefully selected before to create that skin crawling sweaty feel and have the s alliteration. I felt leaving …show more content…
Some lines are condensed to get rid of excess details that distract from the poem as opposed to adding anything to it. I changed the marching reference from lyre to wiping the flute’s mouth piece and the speaker’s sweaty chin. This tells the reader what instrument the speaker plays and also lends to her authority without needing to look terms up. I figured this would lend to the speakers authority because most people would not think of how sweaty a chin could get if you hold a metal flute to it for a long period of time, but it seems logical and is something any flute player who has marched in the heat should have experienced.
I also mentioned the speaker’s relationship to the assailant so that the reader knows it is someone she knows, but not someone you expect to be giving out tender kisses. I thought changing the way it describes him speaking to me makes it sound more like an intimate gesture, which adds to the creepy feel since the reader knows what the relationship is between him and the …show more content…
They focus with more sensory detail on how the speaker feels. It shows the speakers encounters with him after the parade and shows his reaction to seeing her. I felt like this allowed the reader to see why she would feel discomfort, anger, or disgust without having to outright list those feelings.
I chose to still close with two similar lines because I feel it makes important commentary on how our society reacts to sexual assault victims, even if it was not the same level as being raped. I just feel it is a strong statement to have the best friend of a victim be concerned about how the assailant getting in trouble could affect his life, instead of asking how the victim feels about it. I am not content with how the ending lines are, but I feel they are something I need more time to sit on before I could come up with the perfect change for them.
Capitalization at the beginning of lines was fixed throughout the poem for grammatical reasons. I also changed a lot of lines to end-stopped. My goal was to have as little as possible enjambed besides the assault and realizing that man in now considered the speaker’s assailant, because I feel like that moment and the realization go by so quickly you feel the need to go back and re-read after you reach a stopping point. It is supposed to create a “did that just happen”
The second stanza’s first few lines were changed because I thought the new wording incorporated the sound of the parade with the feel of being there. I thought including this detail would give a concise image of before the speaker was unwelcomingly kissed. The rest of the stanza remained the same because the words hard been carefully selected before to create that skin crawling sweaty feel and have the s alliteration. I felt leaving …show more content…
Some lines are condensed to get rid of excess details that distract from the poem as opposed to adding anything to it. I changed the marching reference from lyre to wiping the flute’s mouth piece and the speaker’s sweaty chin. This tells the reader what instrument the speaker plays and also lends to her authority without needing to look terms up. I figured this would lend to the speakers authority because most people would not think of how sweaty a chin could get if you hold a metal flute to it for a long period of time, but it seems logical and is something any flute player who has marched in the heat should have experienced.
I also mentioned the speaker’s relationship to the assailant so that the reader knows it is someone she knows, but not someone you expect to be giving out tender kisses. I thought changing the way it describes him speaking to me makes it sound more like an intimate gesture, which adds to the creepy feel since the reader knows what the relationship is between him and the …show more content…
They focus with more sensory detail on how the speaker feels. It shows the speakers encounters with him after the parade and shows his reaction to seeing her. I felt like this allowed the reader to see why she would feel discomfort, anger, or disgust without having to outright list those feelings.
I chose to still close with two similar lines because I feel it makes important commentary on how our society reacts to sexual assault victims, even if it was not the same level as being raped. I just feel it is a strong statement to have the best friend of a victim be concerned about how the assailant getting in trouble could affect his life, instead of asking how the victim feels about it. I am not content with how the ending lines are, but I feel they are something I need more time to sit on before I could come up with the perfect change for them.
Capitalization at the beginning of lines was fixed throughout the poem for grammatical reasons. I also changed a lot of lines to end-stopped. My goal was to have as little as possible enjambed besides the assault and realizing that man in now considered the speaker’s assailant, because I feel like that moment and the realization go by so quickly you feel the need to go back and re-read after you reach a stopping point. It is supposed to create a “did that just happen”