Little Red Riding Hood Revisited by Russell Baker
In an effort to make the classics accessible to contemporary readers, I am translating them into the modern American language. Here is the translation of the Little Red Riding Hood:
Once upon a point in time, a small person named Little Red Riding Hood initiated plans for the preparation, delivery, and transportation of foodstuffs to her grandmother, a senior citizen residing at a place of residence in a wooded area of indeterminate dimension.
In the process of implementing this program, her incursion into the area was in mid-transportation process when it attained interface with an alleged perpetrator. This individual, a wolf, made inquiry as to the whereabouts of Little Red Riding Hood’s goal, as well as inferring that he was desirous of ascertaining the contents of Little Red Riding Hood’s foodstuffs basket, and all that.
“It would be inappropriate to lie to me,” the wolf said, displaying his huge jaw capability. Sensing that he was a mass of repressed hostility intertwined with acute alienation, she indicated.
“I see you indicating,” the wolf said, “but what I don’t see is whatever it is you’re indicating at, you dig?” …show more content…
There ensued flight by Little Red Riding Hood accompanied by pursuit in respect to the wolf and a subsequent intervention on the part of a third party, heretofore unnoted in the record.
Due to the firmness of the intervention, the wolf’s stomach underwent ax-assisted aperture with the result that Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother was enabled to be removed with only minor discomfort.
The wolf’s indigestion was immediately alleviated with such effectiveness that he signed a contract with the intervening third party to perform with grandmother in a television commercial demonstrating the swiftness of this dramatic relief for stomach
In an effort to make the classics accessible to contemporary readers, I am translating them into the modern American language. Here is the translation of the Little Red Riding Hood:
Once upon a point in time, a small person named Little Red Riding Hood initiated plans for the preparation, delivery, and transportation of foodstuffs to her grandmother, a senior citizen residing at a place of residence in a wooded area of indeterminate dimension.
In the process of implementing this program, her incursion into the area was in mid-transportation process when it attained interface with an alleged perpetrator. This individual, a wolf, made inquiry as to the whereabouts of Little Red Riding Hood’s goal, as well as inferring that he was desirous of ascertaining the contents of Little Red Riding Hood’s foodstuffs basket, and all that.
“It would be inappropriate to lie to me,” the wolf said, displaying his huge jaw capability. Sensing that he was a mass of repressed hostility intertwined with acute alienation, she indicated.
“I see you indicating,” the wolf said, “but what I don’t see is whatever it is you’re indicating at, you dig?” …show more content…
There ensued flight by Little Red Riding Hood accompanied by pursuit in respect to the wolf and a subsequent intervention on the part of a third party, heretofore unnoted in the record.
Due to the firmness of the intervention, the wolf’s stomach underwent ax-assisted aperture with the result that Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother was enabled to be removed with only minor discomfort.
The wolf’s indigestion was immediately alleviated with such effectiveness that he signed a contract with the intervening third party to perform with grandmother in a television commercial demonstrating the swiftness of this dramatic relief for stomach