I’m not really into self-help books. It’s not because I don’t value external perspective, and it’s not because I’m not all touchy-feely, but simply because; most people don’t write books that relate to me as a person. I am a unique person in many ways and while there are some that touch on this experience or that personality trait, most just miss the mark for me. Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box (Arbinger, 2010) is not one of those books.
First, let’s talk about the book itself, and my initial impression. I like the dialog style writing presented in the book. It makes the read informal and easy to absorb. Many management and business solutions lean toward dry and tedious; however, Leadership and Self-Deception is incredibly …show more content…
“Self-Deception actually determines one’s experience in every aspect of life” (xi) and is described as “being in the box”. Triggered by self-betrayal, self-deception distorts our view of reality; rather it distorts our view of the world around us, including ourselves. When we are self-deceived, we inflate others faults, inflate our own virtues and justify our self-betrayal. By being “in the box”, we cannot see that our view of reality is wrong and unless we change the situation, and ourselves, there is no solution. The effect of these behaviors on other people creates relationships of distrust, disdain, and collusion (to appear as adversaries though in agreement) (collusion.(n.d.).). Being in the box is an internal action, and we justify our behavior by blaming others. In doing so, we create a situation where they also get in the box. By blaming them, they now have self-justification to resent us for blaming them unjustly. (94) “People primarily respond not to what we do but to how we’re being.” (44) The only way to break the cycle we’re creating is to get out of the box. This requires us to focus on ourselves, to stop self-justifying behaviors. If we can grasp that and focus on ourselves, we can apply what we’ve learned in Leadership and Self-Deception; it can help us improve virtually every
First, let’s talk about the book itself, and my initial impression. I like the dialog style writing presented in the book. It makes the read informal and easy to absorb. Many management and business solutions lean toward dry and tedious; however, Leadership and Self-Deception is incredibly …show more content…
“Self-Deception actually determines one’s experience in every aspect of life” (xi) and is described as “being in the box”. Triggered by self-betrayal, self-deception distorts our view of reality; rather it distorts our view of the world around us, including ourselves. When we are self-deceived, we inflate others faults, inflate our own virtues and justify our self-betrayal. By being “in the box”, we cannot see that our view of reality is wrong and unless we change the situation, and ourselves, there is no solution. The effect of these behaviors on other people creates relationships of distrust, disdain, and collusion (to appear as adversaries though in agreement) (collusion.(n.d.).). Being in the box is an internal action, and we justify our behavior by blaming others. In doing so, we create a situation where they also get in the box. By blaming them, they now have self-justification to resent us for blaming them unjustly. (94) “People primarily respond not to what we do but to how we’re being.” (44) The only way to break the cycle we’re creating is to get out of the box. This requires us to focus on ourselves, to stop self-justifying behaviors. If we can grasp that and focus on ourselves, we can apply what we’ve learned in Leadership and Self-Deception; it can help us improve virtually every