Essay about Incorporating Feedback

624 Words 3 Pages
Resources: Revising, Peer Reviewing, and Proofreading and Constructive Feedback Turorial.
Read Ch. 5, Finalization for Writing in the University of Phoenix Essay Guidelines.

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Address the following: What feedback did you receive from your instructor? From the peer reviewer? From the Center for Writing Excellence? Explain how you will incorporate the feedback into your paper. How does this feedback improve your expository essay? What feedback did you choose not to include? Explain your answers.

My essay is on: Fast foods can lead to obesity.

Here's my feedback from my peer.

Peer
…show more content…
I am not sure if this should be there. It seemed odd.

Where should the author add more details or examples? Explain your answer. The thesis statement states fast food can lead to obesity yet I see no direct example within the essay linking any fact with fast food. I saw no comparison on explanation of how fast food is just plain unhealthy. I believe that is a well known fact but I felt as if that would have been useful.

Where is the writing unclear or vague? I think the writing of this essay was very precise. The facts seemed well stated and clear. The definitions were clear. The examples of food and what they contain were very useful and well written. If I were too seemed lost anywhere in this essay I would say it was structure issues.

What is your favorite part of this piece of writing?

My favorite part of this essay is definitely the definitions and explanations. Protiens, saturated fats, sugar, alcohol the pros and cons definitely made this learning piece for me. I enjoy learning so this was my favorite part.

What other comments might you provide for the author? I read this essay and was grateful for the definitions, facts, and examples that were used. They were very clear and precise. I liked that immensely. I did not understand the definitions at the end on introductions and conclusions. If it were me I would work on my

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