Cary And Don Reaction Paper

The first step toward acceptance that Carys and Don took was in trying to understand the objective story of what was going on. They realized that the other person was the way that they were for a reason. It made it easier to accept one another when they learned that watching patterns of behavior, communication, and relationships of their parents had an enormous impact on how they interacted with each other (Observational learning). This realization helped them both see that it was circumstances that made the other act the way that they do, rather than who they are at their core personality (overcoming the fundamental attribution error).
They started to try many of the tips in the book to help understand what the other person was feeling and thinking during an argument. For example, one day Don got a phone call. Carys did not know who it was from but she did hear that it was a woman’s voice. Even though she was trying to extend trust to him, the phone call worried her. Rather than …show more content…
Because Don understood that Carys was trying to give him opportunities to show that he was trust worthy, he started doing the same for her. Carys also was able to understand why he was so worried about her outside relationships and so was more open with him about her day to day life (Acceptance and change: the chicken or the egg? Page 131).
Even though unintentional change had occurred in their relationship, both of them wanted to see more deliberate change both in themselves and in the other person. They sat down and had a discussion of how this could happen. Instead of asking for general requests such as, “I want you to be more open with me,” they made more specific requests of each other. For example, Don asked Carys, “I would like it if you would let me know when you have to spend time along with a male coworker during your shift.” (Specific versus general change, Page