It becomes a repeated and central point to the story, and it may serve you well to ensure the reader understands the nature of the reference (“idiotskin, in particular) for the readers that haven't seen Blade Runner. One place you may consider expanding is near the end of the story where you wrote, “My faculties are often inept. I look to the outside world unsympathetic maybe to most causes and situations.” This might be good place show the narrator's unsympathetic thoughts and inept faculties. It would be a good place to really cement the narrator's frame of mind. Finally, you may want to consider the grandparents role in the story. I felt like they were a looming presence, especially when, “Friend took heaps of meat that night and beat them against the speaker while she screamed.” I couldn’t help, but think of them in bed listening to sounds emanating from the basement. And since the grandfather delivers the news of her death, punching up their role in the story could create a greater sense of conflict in the discovery of her death. Thanks for letting us read your story and I look forward reading more of your
It becomes a repeated and central point to the story, and it may serve you well to ensure the reader understands the nature of the reference (“idiotskin, in particular) for the readers that haven't seen Blade Runner. One place you may consider expanding is near the end of the story where you wrote, “My faculties are often inept. I look to the outside world unsympathetic maybe to most causes and situations.” This might be good place show the narrator's unsympathetic thoughts and inept faculties. It would be a good place to really cement the narrator's frame of mind. Finally, you may want to consider the grandparents role in the story. I felt like they were a looming presence, especially when, “Friend took heaps of meat that night and beat them against the speaker while she screamed.” I couldn’t help, but think of them in bed listening to sounds emanating from the basement. And since the grandfather delivers the news of her death, punching up their role in the story could create a greater sense of conflict in the discovery of her death. Thanks for letting us read your story and I look forward reading more of your