After a violent hazing incident that leads to the death of a teammate, a conflicted hockey hopeful struggles with telling the truth.
STORY COMMENTS ON THE FIRST 30 PAGES
THE INITIATION is inspired and based on true events. It’s a character driven dramatic story. The script centers on a young, hopeful hockey player Tony. His goal is clear. The tone is consistently dramatic. The story explores themes about respect.
The script presents with solid moral dilemmas. Even though the protagonist, Tony, knows that some of his team members are doing the wrong thing, he accepts it as part of the “game.” The story explores the pressure of “fitting” in. It’s relevant to today’s society. There’s a mentality that team members stick together regardless of one’s action. Watching a character that has to decide whether to support his team or do the right thing and report their action is a strong setup for personal conflict and struggle.
The story has the ability to send a powerful message.
While there are strong features of this script the first 30 pages would also benefit from further development.
First, the opening nicely establishes “young” Tony as a boy who wants to play hockey. More importantly, Tony wants to fit in with the group.
The idea …show more content…
The script really does need a romantic element. However, one does feel that Tony overreacts from just watching Emily and Jan. One understands that his jealousy plays an important role and the idea of him being “cold” towards Jan definitely works, but when they get locked into the bathroom Tony seems over the top when he yells at Jan to go back home, “you think you can take what you want”, and then calling him a stupid fuck. It’s a creative choice. It does make Tony a bit unlikable, but it also gives him a stronger basis for character growth. Yet, it seems out of character for Tony. Again, one can envision him giving Jan the cold shoulder and being sarcastic, but mean-spirited is
STORY COMMENTS ON THE FIRST 30 PAGES
THE INITIATION is inspired and based on true events. It’s a character driven dramatic story. The script centers on a young, hopeful hockey player Tony. His goal is clear. The tone is consistently dramatic. The story explores themes about respect.
The script presents with solid moral dilemmas. Even though the protagonist, Tony, knows that some of his team members are doing the wrong thing, he accepts it as part of the “game.” The story explores the pressure of “fitting” in. It’s relevant to today’s society. There’s a mentality that team members stick together regardless of one’s action. Watching a character that has to decide whether to support his team or do the right thing and report their action is a strong setup for personal conflict and struggle.
The story has the ability to send a powerful message.
While there are strong features of this script the first 30 pages would also benefit from further development.
First, the opening nicely establishes “young” Tony as a boy who wants to play hockey. More importantly, Tony wants to fit in with the group.
The idea …show more content…
The script really does need a romantic element. However, one does feel that Tony overreacts from just watching Emily and Jan. One understands that his jealousy plays an important role and the idea of him being “cold” towards Jan definitely works, but when they get locked into the bathroom Tony seems over the top when he yells at Jan to go back home, “you think you can take what you want”, and then calling him a stupid fuck. It’s a creative choice. It does make Tony a bit unlikable, but it also gives him a stronger basis for character growth. Yet, it seems out of character for Tony. Again, one can envision him giving Jan the cold shoulder and being sarcastic, but mean-spirited is