Gustavus Reflection

Driving up I recognize the Gustavus campus but only as an outsider. I never paid much mind during tours as I assumed I would never have the financing to afford to come here. My car was “fully” loaded and as I unloaded I saw my pile of two bins and my medicine draw compared to the mountains of other people's belongings. I never felt like I has no possessions until then. I have been living on my own for years and only bought essential items. I realized this was one of the first social barriers I would come to face in the upcoming days. My next was when I was finished moving in(my whole two trips) and the CF wished to speak to my parents. I tried to say they weren't here, not lying technically. But he was insistent that he talks to them once so …show more content…
That is until we went to the e pluribus show. That was the first time I felt that I was united with those around me. Not in happiness but in depression. We went back to talk about our reactions to it and I was barely able to control myself. I wanted to scream and cry and make everyone else smile all at the same time. My group was sharing secrets which I wanted to partake in but afraid if I let out a little I would just explode and say too much. I wanted to let her know she wasn’t alone and that it happened to me too but I couldn’t even control my breathing how would I control my words. My group was so much stronger. They were able to admit shames they did and injustices against their bodies. I couldn’t even say I hardly passed all of my classes third tri, but not from lack of motivation as was their case but because I had to skip school to work. I had to skip school to be able to go to school. How did that make sense?
I feel like I’ve been working to get here my whole life. From being involved in as many clubs possible starting as early as third grade to taking that extra AP class to make my transcript as impressive as possible. I have been saving my money from my first job, a paper route. To my now 7th of work study. My life has been a constant battle of simply staying afloat and I am now finally able to relax no longer working 60+ hours during the school year to only needing to do my course work and …show more content…
I spent a long time working to get here yet since coming to Gustavus is feeling perpetually alone. It's not that I am alone or people aren’t welcoming it's just that since I’ve been here I feel like all of my “unique factors” make me a inferior abnormality rather than just different. I don’t know the games people play. I can’t play video games as I’ve never owned a console before. But what makes me feel so alone is something no one knows and I can’t bare to share. It's my entire life up until I arrived at Gustavus’ door steps. I would say my biggest observation I’ve seen this last week has been with in myself and being able to look back on my own life without wincing. I have never been proud to say I skipped class to work until today. All of my actions have made Gustavus possible. I still am concerned that I was only accepted because I helped their minority quotient but even if that is true I want to be remembered for more than just being a statistic in the Gustavus file. I want to be involved this year but in things that matter to me not things that look good on applications. I feel that Gustavus is giving me the chance to show everyone who I really am. I hear people say that college changes people but I think that it sets them free no more expectation to be the leader always and the rebel. I can be me a strong person who learned to ask for