Have I made the right choice? Did I just give up a chance at freedom to a girl who doesn’t even want to live anymore? The second I heard the guard call the number 32, my heart began beating rapidly, like a loud drum pounding in my ears. Whether this was from excitement or fear I could not say, all I know is that right now all I can feel is myself slowly drowning in an ocean of regret. Not only did I give up the chance for my own survival, but I also risked both Gerda and I being killed for lying.
I can feel the eyes of a guard on me, but I can’t seem to stop myself as I watch Gerda leave, in what could have been my position. It’s only now that I question my prior judgement. At the time I didn’t even realise what I was doing, all I could think was, ‘this could save Gerda, I need to save Gerda’. I didn’t even …show more content…
I’m not a foolish teenager, and in this moment I need to be smart, I need to be brave, I need to find a way for Gerda and me to be together. Surely she doesn’t want to leave me, surely she wants us to be together. My mind is drowning as different scenarios come into my head, some terrible, and some not quite as bad. By this point I’ve stopped my working, my mind so focussed on how I can be with Gerda, how we can stay together. Maybe I could admit that my number was 32, that I lied, although I doubt they would believe me, they’d probably accuse me of trying to take her place and put me to my death. Maybe I could tell them that I came from Bolkenhain, that I should be with them but I know full well that they don’t care. They would send me back to work and perhaps punish me for my misbehaviour. The sound of a throat clearing shocks me from my thoughts and reminds me of how long I’ve been thinking with no results. Despite how frustrated I want to be; I force myself into a state of determination. A determination to find my way to be with Gerda
I can feel the eyes of a guard on me, but I can’t seem to stop myself as I watch Gerda leave, in what could have been my position. It’s only now that I question my prior judgement. At the time I didn’t even realise what I was doing, all I could think was, ‘this could save Gerda, I need to save Gerda’. I didn’t even …show more content…
I’m not a foolish teenager, and in this moment I need to be smart, I need to be brave, I need to find a way for Gerda and me to be together. Surely she doesn’t want to leave me, surely she wants us to be together. My mind is drowning as different scenarios come into my head, some terrible, and some not quite as bad. By this point I’ve stopped my working, my mind so focussed on how I can be with Gerda, how we can stay together. Maybe I could admit that my number was 32, that I lied, although I doubt they would believe me, they’d probably accuse me of trying to take her place and put me to my death. Maybe I could tell them that I came from Bolkenhain, that I should be with them but I know full well that they don’t care. They would send me back to work and perhaps punish me for my misbehaviour. The sound of a throat clearing shocks me from my thoughts and reminds me of how long I’ve been thinking with no results. Despite how frustrated I want to be; I force myself into a state of determination. A determination to find my way to be with Gerda