Gablers Thesis Statement

Ashley,
First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my rough draft. Second, I appreciate the constructive feedback that you have provided for me. It is extremely helpful to have another set of eyes going over what you have written. It is very easy for a writer to gloss over what their words when the have reviewed their paper repeatedly.
My thesis statement was an issue for me. It is the first two sentences that you read. My thesis statement is: In recent years, state school boards have started to scrub history textbooks to censor out unpopular facts of history on the premise that they are making history that is presented in classrooms more patriotic. The censoring during this practice does not allow children to learn the truth behind the events and draw their own conclusions, which in turn eliminates the student's ability to think critically and make their own decisions. The sentence that followed that was supposed to be part of my thesis statement, but it was kind of an afterthought. That sentence is: The process for adopting instructional materials like textbooks needs to be revised. I wanted to incorporate it into my thesis statement, but after your comments I may need to revise those three sentences altogether. It is very …show more content…
From my understanding of your suggestion, I should keep it included with the paragraph that begins with: Textbook censorship has been going on in The United States for many years. When I was writing my paper, I felt that it would make that paragraph extremely long if I included it with the previous paragraph. I will look into how I could include all of the information together in one paragraph. As for the citations I included from the Gablers, I may have inadvertently placed my citation at the end of all the facts that I included about them, instead of with each of that facts I presented on them. I will review that paragraph and place the proper citation in the correct