In the first essay, the student starts by writing a short summary as to what the article is about. The student then lists the two reasons as to why Foer’s argument is persuasive in a straight-to-the-point, clear, and organized manner. This intro was probably the strongest of the four. However, the second paragraph starts off by writing about how many Americans do not want to accept soccer as a pastime as many other countries have. There is little argument made in this paragraph as to how Foer is persuasive; here it is mostly summary of the article. The student does, however, quote Weir in this paragraph, but I feel as though a large portion of the essay could have been shortened. The third paragraph starts off OK, but the wording of the first
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I understand what the student is trying to argue here, but it seems as if they have slightly misread the article. Barra was arguing that soccer is played by poor people, not “only poor people play soccer,” as the student wrote. The writer specifically said that it is mainly in the US where soccer inverts the class structure, so Barra is aware that wealthy people do in fact play soccer. The student should also address this question: How does Foer gain sympathy by making Barra “look foolish”? I also feel that the student could have worded the phrase” made him look foolish” in a better way, as well. Lastly, the conclusion nicely recapped the essence and arguments of the entire essay, although it could have ended in a stronger way. The student’s grammar was solid throughout and had good transitioning from paragraph to paragraph. I think the student makes good arguments, was well-organized, had a very good understanding of Foer’s article, and is definitely on the right track, but needs to fine-tune his or her wording, cut down on the summarizing, and use more effective quotations. It was a good job …show more content…
The student wrote,” This strategy allows reader to getting a better understanding of globalization.” The student is making an argument that Foer is giving the reader a better understanding of globalization, but this does not pertain to the prompt’s question of Foer’s persuasiveness. The second paragraph argues that an executive director holds the same view as Foer does about soccer. The student argues that this strengthens Foer’s argument. I have a few issues with this. First, the thesis and the first sentence of the second paragraph should have included something about this idea. Second, the student did not answer the question as to how using Wilson’s quotation makes Foer’s argument more persuasive. The student also undermines his or her own argument by saying that the only reason why Wilson has a positive view of soccer in the first place only because his parents were hippies, which is not the same reason as Foer’s reasons. Third, a quotation from the text should try to be less than 3 lines, but the student went beyond this in his mention of Wilson. Although this is a matter of preference, I think it is a problem that the student can easily resolve. The third paragraph did not have a strong intro sentence and did not transition well from the second paragraph. The third paragraph made some interesting, original, and thoughtful points and had good supporting
I understand what the student is trying to argue here, but it seems as if they have slightly misread the article. Barra was arguing that soccer is played by poor people, not “only poor people play soccer,” as the student wrote. The writer specifically said that it is mainly in the US where soccer inverts the class structure, so Barra is aware that wealthy people do in fact play soccer. The student should also address this question: How does Foer gain sympathy by making Barra “look foolish”? I also feel that the student could have worded the phrase” made him look foolish” in a better way, as well. Lastly, the conclusion nicely recapped the essence and arguments of the entire essay, although it could have ended in a stronger way. The student’s grammar was solid throughout and had good transitioning from paragraph to paragraph. I think the student makes good arguments, was well-organized, had a very good understanding of Foer’s article, and is definitely on the right track, but needs to fine-tune his or her wording, cut down on the summarizing, and use more effective quotations. It was a good job …show more content…
The student wrote,” This strategy allows reader to getting a better understanding of globalization.” The student is making an argument that Foer is giving the reader a better understanding of globalization, but this does not pertain to the prompt’s question of Foer’s persuasiveness. The second paragraph argues that an executive director holds the same view as Foer does about soccer. The student argues that this strengthens Foer’s argument. I have a few issues with this. First, the thesis and the first sentence of the second paragraph should have included something about this idea. Second, the student did not answer the question as to how using Wilson’s quotation makes Foer’s argument more persuasive. The student also undermines his or her own argument by saying that the only reason why Wilson has a positive view of soccer in the first place only because his parents were hippies, which is not the same reason as Foer’s reasons. Third, a quotation from the text should try to be less than 3 lines, but the student went beyond this in his mention of Wilson. Although this is a matter of preference, I think it is a problem that the student can easily resolve. The third paragraph did not have a strong intro sentence and did not transition well from the second paragraph. The third paragraph made some interesting, original, and thoughtful points and had good supporting