It was a Wednesday morning as I woke everything was quiet and calm. I laid in bed for a few extra minutes embracing the moment. As I was beginning to close my eyes in hopes of getting an extra hour of sleep I was interrupted due to the vibration coming from my phone. I rolled over answering it, it was my uncle after we exchanged greets he said seven words that would change the course of my life forever. “Muna, your dad passed away this morning” I remember not giving any response. After, what seemed like days later I said “oh okay, are you sure?” like making sure what he said was true would make a difference, after receiving confirmation I broke down in tears. Questioning everything I’ve ever known. Wondering if a joke was being played on me.
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I believe I’m a differentiated person now that I’m older. However, I wasn’t always like this the Bowen theory mentions that “people with a poorly differentiated self depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others” (The Bowen Center, 2016), growing up I had a very poorly differentiated self. I always sought out the approval of others be it my grandma, friends, uncle’s, aunties, teachers, and cousins no matter who it was I felt the need to have them be ‘okay’ and ‘accepting’ of whatever I was doing. For an example, when I was about five years old on the weekends I would go over to my uncle’s house to spend time with him and his kids. His daughters were much older than I was about seven or ten years older, they often times got annoyed by me because I would ask permission for everything when I wanted to eat and especially when I wanted to use the bathroom. They thought this was an odd thing and would encourage me to stop asking and freely do as I pleased. Thinking on this now it seems a bit silly on why I felt the need to ask to use the bathroom. Sometimes I think about why I acted like this, and the only explanation I could come up with was perhaps because I lost my mother it made me lost even though I would constantly tell myself that I was okay my behavior …show more content…
This pattern, has been repeating for generations how parents interact will follow the patterns of how their parents interacted with them and they pass it along to their kids repeating for generations (Bowen, 1976). The family emotional process begins at the nuclear family with the parents and their marriage. I didn’t have much time to process the extent of my parent’s marriage. My father would describe to me in details how my mother acted, the kind of women she was, and their marriage. Not having my parents made me sympathizes with others parents and had me question parent-child relationships. Whenever I would see my friends or cousins talk about to their parents and not appreciate them, it would make me a bit angry because I feel like they don’t understand how blessed they are to have both their parents married and alive. My grandmother raised me she was my mother’s mom and that allowed me to get an inside look into how my mother was raised. My grandmother would tell me stories of how my mother acted as a child. Being raised by a grandparent is almost like being raised by your parents because they carry two generations of patterns and you’re being exposed to those patterns. My grandparent raised me about the same way she raised my mother there were a few differences however, for the most part it was the
I believe I’m a differentiated person now that I’m older. However, I wasn’t always like this the Bowen theory mentions that “people with a poorly differentiated self depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others” (The Bowen Center, 2016), growing up I had a very poorly differentiated self. I always sought out the approval of others be it my grandma, friends, uncle’s, aunties, teachers, and cousins no matter who it was I felt the need to have them be ‘okay’ and ‘accepting’ of whatever I was doing. For an example, when I was about five years old on the weekends I would go over to my uncle’s house to spend time with him and his kids. His daughters were much older than I was about seven or ten years older, they often times got annoyed by me because I would ask permission for everything when I wanted to eat and especially when I wanted to use the bathroom. They thought this was an odd thing and would encourage me to stop asking and freely do as I pleased. Thinking on this now it seems a bit silly on why I felt the need to ask to use the bathroom. Sometimes I think about why I acted like this, and the only explanation I could come up with was perhaps because I lost my mother it made me lost even though I would constantly tell myself that I was okay my behavior …show more content…
This pattern, has been repeating for generations how parents interact will follow the patterns of how their parents interacted with them and they pass it along to their kids repeating for generations (Bowen, 1976). The family emotional process begins at the nuclear family with the parents and their marriage. I didn’t have much time to process the extent of my parent’s marriage. My father would describe to me in details how my mother acted, the kind of women she was, and their marriage. Not having my parents made me sympathizes with others parents and had me question parent-child relationships. Whenever I would see my friends or cousins talk about to their parents and not appreciate them, it would make me a bit angry because I feel like they don’t understand how blessed they are to have both their parents married and alive. My grandmother raised me she was my mother’s mom and that allowed me to get an inside look into how my mother was raised. My grandmother would tell me stories of how my mother acted as a child. Being raised by a grandparent is almost like being raised by your parents because they carry two generations of patterns and you’re being exposed to those patterns. My grandparent raised me about the same way she raised my mother there were a few differences however, for the most part it was the