Falling Back Into Old Patterns
I am the youngest of four. My household consists of my parents, two brothers and one sister. From the outside, we looked like a nice, normal family. But like many we had our problems. Coming from a family where it is frowned upon to talk about your troubles. We certainly had our fair share from money problems, job loss, and an unhealthy marriage, etc. As time went on the house get emptier with my brother and sister heading off to college. But the attitudes and emotions of my family never changed even when we made it through some pretty tough times.
For as long as I could remember I would let thing just happen. Never really sticking up for myself when things got hard. Allowing all the things that I heard from …show more content…
Only coming home for the holidays and staying for a couple of weeks. Being on my own I became a better person living with incredible roommates that made my life untroubled. People that I knew for only a few months felt like life time friends who I was able to fully open up and tell them personal information that I have never been able to tell my real family.
It has been two years now. And for the first time I will be living at home for over three months since I had left for college. Before coming home, I shocked my friends because I keep talking about how I was thrilled to finally spend some quality time with my family. As I look back know I realize that I was just putting on a front as I tried to convince myself that I was going to be okay and that this summer will be fun. To be honest, I was nervous and somewhat I still am.
You see it never acquire to me that even though I had changed that things at home still hadn’t changed. Now that I have been here for a month, I can officially say that it is exactly the same. Stepping into the house, I go back to having to watch what I have to say. Whether you have a different opinion about a subject, disagree with what someone has to say or just use a wrong tone it always ends in some form of shouting, dirty looks, and a door slamming …show more content…
I hate to see how much I let my families words and actions affect my actually well-being. This relationship has put so much stress in my life that it has affected my outlook on many different things. If I could I would spend my whole day in my room away from everyone and the drama. But I can’t help to think that by doing so I’m just giving in to my instinct by shutting down and letting them win. I made it this far way, why should I let three months take me all the way back to the beginning where I used to drop down to their level. No matter what, I will have good and bad days, if I have to have more bad days than good I will just have to push through it. Because no matter what I have been through worse. Now that I’m in college, I actually have something to look forward to. So why should I left my home life prevent me from reaching my goals.
But there always has been something that I get out of my mind. I can’t help but wonder how my parents can say they know me and yet never notice that something was wrong. As bad and dark it got when I was in high school. They never seemed to notice, I would like to think I was a good actor at hiding my feeling but I know that is not
I am the youngest of four. My household consists of my parents, two brothers and one sister. From the outside, we looked like a nice, normal family. But like many we had our problems. Coming from a family where it is frowned upon to talk about your troubles. We certainly had our fair share from money problems, job loss, and an unhealthy marriage, etc. As time went on the house get emptier with my brother and sister heading off to college. But the attitudes and emotions of my family never changed even when we made it through some pretty tough times.
For as long as I could remember I would let thing just happen. Never really sticking up for myself when things got hard. Allowing all the things that I heard from …show more content…
Only coming home for the holidays and staying for a couple of weeks. Being on my own I became a better person living with incredible roommates that made my life untroubled. People that I knew for only a few months felt like life time friends who I was able to fully open up and tell them personal information that I have never been able to tell my real family.
It has been two years now. And for the first time I will be living at home for over three months since I had left for college. Before coming home, I shocked my friends because I keep talking about how I was thrilled to finally spend some quality time with my family. As I look back know I realize that I was just putting on a front as I tried to convince myself that I was going to be okay and that this summer will be fun. To be honest, I was nervous and somewhat I still am.
You see it never acquire to me that even though I had changed that things at home still hadn’t changed. Now that I have been here for a month, I can officially say that it is exactly the same. Stepping into the house, I go back to having to watch what I have to say. Whether you have a different opinion about a subject, disagree with what someone has to say or just use a wrong tone it always ends in some form of shouting, dirty looks, and a door slamming …show more content…
I hate to see how much I let my families words and actions affect my actually well-being. This relationship has put so much stress in my life that it has affected my outlook on many different things. If I could I would spend my whole day in my room away from everyone and the drama. But I can’t help to think that by doing so I’m just giving in to my instinct by shutting down and letting them win. I made it this far way, why should I let three months take me all the way back to the beginning where I used to drop down to their level. No matter what, I will have good and bad days, if I have to have more bad days than good I will just have to push through it. Because no matter what I have been through worse. Now that I’m in college, I actually have something to look forward to. So why should I left my home life prevent me from reaching my goals.
But there always has been something that I get out of my mind. I can’t help but wonder how my parents can say they know me and yet never notice that something was wrong. As bad and dark it got when I was in high school. They never seemed to notice, I would like to think I was a good actor at hiding my feeling but I know that is not