Essay

2468 Words Jan 24th, 2014 10 Pages
Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay: Thanh , thank you for submitting your assignment for review. I am Ann B., your writing tutor. First, I want to point out a strength I noted when I read your paper. This sentence in the introduction presents a question and then answers it: College athletes are supposed to be the best of the best on that level, so why do college athletes not get paid? The
…show more content…
This point about scholarships is new! Two different points in the same paragraph may confuse your reader. I note that you combine these two points in the thesis statement as well: College athletes should get paid because they have to juggle a hectic schedule and need money for expenses, they deserve to get a share from their work since they make money for schools, and they also meet all three common law tests of employment.

Thanh, this problem is easy to fix! First, you can list four main points in the thesis statement. There is no rule that you must have just three! Next, the first body paragraph must stay on the topic of scheduling. What paragraph does the first sentence above belong in? Can you revise so this paragraph focuses on one point only?

*Thanh 5901461 has requested that you respond to the Use of Resources: Some of parenthetical elements do not follow the correct format. Let’s consider this citation from page 4:

Michael Emmer claims that “college athletes are ones who represent the college during their contracted four-year tenure” (Should College Athletes be Paid?)
MLA in-text citation requires the authors’ last names and page ( for print sources) in the citation. If no author is given, the article title punctuated with quotation marks may be used. Let’s review some examples:
The authors’ last

Related Documents