Betrayal Her hair was thin, her teeth was yellow, she looked pale and frail. Who is this girl? That’s not the girl I met in 7th grade. The girl I met was exuberant, rambunctious, vivacious and hilarious. Somehow, this new girl before me like night and day was the one I considered to be my best friend. “I wanted to tell you before but I thought you would judge me,” Harshita finally admitted. “I want to stop but I can’t.” She just finished telling me that she was bulimic. When those words poured out her mouth I had felt sick to my stomach. My heart sank into my chest as I was trying to process what she was saying. In my head I kept asking myself why over and over again. Why didn’t I see this before? Why didn’t she tell me? Why can’t she stop?
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I stared at her. I could see the pain in her face but I chose not to comfort her regardless. I felt betrayed. My own best friend didn’t trust me enough to tell me sooner. All I was thinking is that for 3 months, my friend has been basically killing herself over what? I mean I always knew that she wanted to lose weight but I never thought in a billion years that she would go to the extremes just to shave a couple of pounds off. We stopped exchanging glances and I took that as my cue to leave. I knew that she confided in me the information she voiced to me but I felt that it was my responsibility to seek help. I didn’t know how to go about it. I tried playing different scenarios in my head with all possible outcomes of what would happen if I called the hospital. I didn’t like any of the possibilities I came up with. Since I was being selfish, I did not want to lose my best friend. After 20 minutes of thinking long and hard, I supposed my best option was to tell her parents. I remember looking down at my phone with my sweaty fingers attempting to text her dad. “Hey Mr. Pant, Harshita is bulimic” I typed. Too blunt, never mind, delete. “Hey Mr. Pant, I’m concerned that for Harshita’s heath, she’s bulimic” Send. “Don’t tell her I told you” I added. I felt a wave a relief after but then I became extremely anxious. I knew that by the next day in school everything would be …show more content…
Just like Toni Morrison said, “Why would we close the distance when we can close the gate? (131)” I felt the same way. As an alternative of distancing ourselves from each other we should’ve just mutually ended the friendship instead of leaving me hanging. Losing my best friend was like losing my other half. I had nobody to tell my secrets to or talk about all the superfluous details about my day. It was a deep wound and I know I had no one to blame other than myself. I tried to get over it by etching in my brain that it was for the best but I still think about how different my life would be if she was still in it. Joan Didion was in the same position when she said “…I suspect she will reappear when I least want to see her... (492)” I thought that as soon as I fully got over our friendship that she’d pop right back into my life like nothing ever happened. Years passed and she never did. I keep blaming myself but I blame her too. Because of her, I will never have a best friend. I never want to feel how I felt again, she was my missing puzzle piece and now she’s gone for good. Sometimes I wish I never said anything but I don’t regret it either. Nonetheless, I was prideful and since I never fought for our friendship it hit me that I was the one that betrayed
I stared at her. I could see the pain in her face but I chose not to comfort her regardless. I felt betrayed. My own best friend didn’t trust me enough to tell me sooner. All I was thinking is that for 3 months, my friend has been basically killing herself over what? I mean I always knew that she wanted to lose weight but I never thought in a billion years that she would go to the extremes just to shave a couple of pounds off. We stopped exchanging glances and I took that as my cue to leave. I knew that she confided in me the information she voiced to me but I felt that it was my responsibility to seek help. I didn’t know how to go about it. I tried playing different scenarios in my head with all possible outcomes of what would happen if I called the hospital. I didn’t like any of the possibilities I came up with. Since I was being selfish, I did not want to lose my best friend. After 20 minutes of thinking long and hard, I supposed my best option was to tell her parents. I remember looking down at my phone with my sweaty fingers attempting to text her dad. “Hey Mr. Pant, Harshita is bulimic” I typed. Too blunt, never mind, delete. “Hey Mr. Pant, I’m concerned that for Harshita’s heath, she’s bulimic” Send. “Don’t tell her I told you” I added. I felt a wave a relief after but then I became extremely anxious. I knew that by the next day in school everything would be …show more content…
Just like Toni Morrison said, “Why would we close the distance when we can close the gate? (131)” I felt the same way. As an alternative of distancing ourselves from each other we should’ve just mutually ended the friendship instead of leaving me hanging. Losing my best friend was like losing my other half. I had nobody to tell my secrets to or talk about all the superfluous details about my day. It was a deep wound and I know I had no one to blame other than myself. I tried to get over it by etching in my brain that it was for the best but I still think about how different my life would be if she was still in it. Joan Didion was in the same position when she said “…I suspect she will reappear when I least want to see her... (492)” I thought that as soon as I fully got over our friendship that she’d pop right back into my life like nothing ever happened. Years passed and she never did. I keep blaming myself but I blame her too. Because of her, I will never have a best friend. I never want to feel how I felt again, she was my missing puzzle piece and now she’s gone for good. Sometimes I wish I never said anything but I don’t regret it either. Nonetheless, I was prideful and since I never fought for our friendship it hit me that I was the one that betrayed