English Belonging Creative Essay

1115 Words Jun 28th, 2011 5 Pages

I am outside the door. Still. I closed the door on the old world of me, the dark side of me. Life as a drug dealer. You get in quick and you get out quick. Simple enough isn’t it? No. Once you choose a direction in life, it’s hard, and can often seem impossible to change. Especially in the world of drugs.

I feel like I have let everyone I ever knew down, but it was for my own good. Yeah the money is fantastic, but what good’s money when you’re in the joint for the rest of your life? I closed a door on all my friends, my mates that stuck up for me no matter what. After all they had done for me, I just split. I didn’t talk to any of them about it. Not one word. In their eyes, I just disappeared. Imagine what
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I looked back and caught a glimpse of Alex fall to the ground. A stray bullet must have hit him. I did not stop. Looking back, that was the moment that I chose to become disconnected from the drug life. My friends, especially Alex payed for my betrayal. 10 years in Silverwater Jail. I was dead to him. I slammed the door of betrayal in his face, and I’m sure he would do the same to me if we were to ever cross paths again. Except, maybe he would slam something else in my face.

I sit here in Hyde Park, overlooking the pool of rememberance because I thought it would give me a reason to forgive myself for the ultimate act of betrayal. But no. The icy wind still blows, and every time there is a gust, it whispers ‘betrayal’ softly in my ear. Nothing has changed. Twigs continue to fall into the pool. Each ripple made by the twigs cuts right into my soul like a jagged edged knife. The door on that part of my life was glued shut. I glued it shut myself. It would be impossible to reopen it. So I was left with no choice but to start a new life. An honest life. I was going to find a real job, and stay loyal to the friends that I would make. Easier said than done.

I walked into Kings Cross Police station thinking that I would be able to make a difference to the streets. After all, I did use to control them. After some time in the police force, I rose to the rank of Super Intendent. Streets were safer, there was a much

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