Elisha Monologue

Elisha, first off, I am so sorry for being who I am.
I know you're probably going to think every word I'm about to say is bullshit, and I don't blame you. I also know I've left this way too late but I didn't want to say anything unless it was going to make any sense at all instead of just random shit. So, I don't know if you remember but on new years I was drinking with the squad, and some time after my drunk message to you, you became the conversation topic, and one of them asked if I was serious about what you and I were, I said yes. But then Billy asked if what we were is fair. I remember not really understanding what he meant and the topic was eventually changed. I've thought a lot about it though, and I don't think it's fair a all, for you or myself. I don't know about you but not being able to actually see you, to feel you snuggle up against me in your sleep …show more content…
It fuckin' kills me inside. I wanted to be with you so much that it hurt, and you made me feel things I never thought I would again. Whenever I talk to you I have so much motivation, you inspire me to want to be so much more than I am, to be so much better of a person, not for me but for you. The shit part is that it's a catch twenty two, because I can't chase the life I want with you if I'm saving up for a whole year working in a fuckin' cafe just to try and see you for a month. But at the same time I can't not see you while I'm trying to get enough qualifications so I can have any form of a future. It's not fair on either of us going 12 months apart just for 1 month together, and it's just as unfair if we can only talk for one to two hours a day if we're both working or studying on opposite sides of the world. I had saved over a thousand by new years to come and see you, I've since bought a computer so I can go back to school and focus on I.T, because right now, I can't give