The worst part about "waking up" to realize you have been abused by a narcissist (or otherwise toxic person) is, perhaps, how many times it occurs after the initial awakening. In fact, once you see what's "behind the curtain" and actually comprehend its meaning, it feels like it just keeps happening, because you can never "unsee" it. When you become aware of an abusive behavior pattern in one person in your life, you will start to recognize it in other people and relationships , as well, if it exists. You may wonder if you're imagining it due to the effects of the gaslighting you have no doubt endured, but it doesn't just seem like it's everywhere. It is everywhere. This is partially because you have been victimized by an abuser; therefore,
…show more content…
When I began my healing journey approximately five years ago, I learned I had been "programmed" to believe I deserved to be mistreated by others, so I failed to recognize their behaviors as abusive, but now that I know it has never been my fault, I have no tolerance whatsoever for that behavior in my life. Then, about a year ago, a stumbled onto some information on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and narcissistic abuse, and the pieces really started falling into place! Since then, I have been systematically cutting toxic and abusive people off as I discover them, and it feels like there will be next to no one left when I'm finished. There have been times I have second guessed myself and wondered if I'm overreacting. However, I know that is a result of a lifetime of gaslighting, so whenever I feel like that, I ask myself these questions: Why am I cutting this person off? Do they consistently make me feel badly about myself? Do they continue to do things they know are hurtful to me? Do they engage in abusive behavior?
If it is because they do any of the following, I know I'm not "overreacting" or being unreasonable. Whether they understand what they are doing or not, they are detrimental to my mental health and well-being; therefore, I must protect myself from them and their actions. People who engage in any of the following abusive behaviors or tactics are no longer permitted in my life, no matter who they are or what our relationship has
When I began my healing journey approximately five years ago, I learned I had been "programmed" to believe I deserved to be mistreated by others, so I failed to recognize their behaviors as abusive, but now that I know it has never been my fault, I have no tolerance whatsoever for that behavior in my life. Then, about a year ago, a stumbled onto some information on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and narcissistic abuse, and the pieces really started falling into place! Since then, I have been systematically cutting toxic and abusive people off as I discover them, and it feels like there will be next to no one left when I'm finished. There have been times I have second guessed myself and wondered if I'm overreacting. However, I know that is a result of a lifetime of gaslighting, so whenever I feel like that, I ask myself these questions: Why am I cutting this person off? Do they consistently make me feel badly about myself? Do they continue to do things they know are hurtful to me? Do they engage in abusive behavior?
If it is because they do any of the following, I know I'm not "overreacting" or being unreasonable. Whether they understand what they are doing or not, they are detrimental to my mental health and well-being; therefore, I must protect myself from them and their actions. People who engage in any of the following abusive behaviors or tactics are no longer permitted in my life, no matter who they are or what our relationship has