PHATE is an intriguing action thriller that is worthy of consideration. While the premise of a woman being falsely accused of murder isn’t new to the industry, the script presents with a unique setting in Nigeria, which gives this thriller a refreshing point of view.
The goal is clear and the stakes are high. The script features a very likable female protagonist who drives the plot. The audience effortlessly emotionally connects to Ida and her plight. One easily roots for Ida.
In addition, the story offers the character of Colby, a young troubled boy, who steals the hearts of the audience.
The opening scene sets the tone and creates some anticipation. The structure then transitions back in time several weeks, eventually going back to the …show more content…
He feels a bit underused and underwritten. It would have been interesting to see him interact more with Colby.
The main concern about the story is the lack of true mystery. It seems pretty clear that somehow Kufre is involved. He’s described as sinister, he wants to know where Ida is at, and he shoots at Ida. It’s pretty clear he’s a bad guy. Todd is presented as an immoral person. So the reveal of them being involved in the murder doesn’t offer a major twist.
In fact, the script doesn’t really offer any other suspects, so the suspense and tension of who killed Melody is not as strong or effective as it could be in a true mystery. Consider if this is the best structure or if a stronger mystery can be crafted for the audience. Such as a mysterious person following and stalking Young and/or Ida and maybe Young is killed.
The other major concern is that the script focuses much more on the escape of Ida and her being on the run, than it focuses on investigating the murder and finding clues.
While the script merits consider with revisions, there’s room for more development.
Consider the following additional …show more content…
These scenes slow down the story.
The idea of Ida being painted black is intriguing, but a bit controversial. Not all audiences will appreciate this plan of action. Consider how relevant it is.
There’s a missing period on page 74 after the word relief.
Consider making Ida a bit more conflicted about whether to remove Colby from the ward.
Consider stronger dialogue than, “drop your gun.”
Some might question why Goziem would allow Ida to escape. It’s explained by his backstory, but one still questions how believable Goziem’s actions are. Maybe this can be reworked.
The flashback of Goziem’s backstory is not needed. This hinders the pace. Just Goziem verbally explainined what happened ten years ago is effective.
Ikem is involved in the conspiracy, but it’s not entirely understood why, and it doesn’t seem necessary.
The scene on page 104 is a bit confusing and may need clarification regarding whether or not Ida is intentionally in the same grocery store as Kufre and if so, how would she know where he would be?
On page 117, there’s no need to replay the entire recording conversation.
There appears to be no payoff for the inhaler. Either cut this or craft a payoff in the climax involving the
The goal is clear and the stakes are high. The script features a very likable female protagonist who drives the plot. The audience effortlessly emotionally connects to Ida and her plight. One easily roots for Ida.
In addition, the story offers the character of Colby, a young troubled boy, who steals the hearts of the audience.
The opening scene sets the tone and creates some anticipation. The structure then transitions back in time several weeks, eventually going back to the …show more content…
He feels a bit underused and underwritten. It would have been interesting to see him interact more with Colby.
The main concern about the story is the lack of true mystery. It seems pretty clear that somehow Kufre is involved. He’s described as sinister, he wants to know where Ida is at, and he shoots at Ida. It’s pretty clear he’s a bad guy. Todd is presented as an immoral person. So the reveal of them being involved in the murder doesn’t offer a major twist.
In fact, the script doesn’t really offer any other suspects, so the suspense and tension of who killed Melody is not as strong or effective as it could be in a true mystery. Consider if this is the best structure or if a stronger mystery can be crafted for the audience. Such as a mysterious person following and stalking Young and/or Ida and maybe Young is killed.
The other major concern is that the script focuses much more on the escape of Ida and her being on the run, than it focuses on investigating the murder and finding clues.
While the script merits consider with revisions, there’s room for more development.
Consider the following additional …show more content…
These scenes slow down the story.
The idea of Ida being painted black is intriguing, but a bit controversial. Not all audiences will appreciate this plan of action. Consider how relevant it is.
There’s a missing period on page 74 after the word relief.
Consider making Ida a bit more conflicted about whether to remove Colby from the ward.
Consider stronger dialogue than, “drop your gun.”
Some might question why Goziem would allow Ida to escape. It’s explained by his backstory, but one still questions how believable Goziem’s actions are. Maybe this can be reworked.
The flashback of Goziem’s backstory is not needed. This hinders the pace. Just Goziem verbally explainined what happened ten years ago is effective.
Ikem is involved in the conspiracy, but it’s not entirely understood why, and it doesn’t seem necessary.
The scene on page 104 is a bit confusing and may need clarification regarding whether or not Ida is intentionally in the same grocery store as Kufre and if so, how would she know where he would be?
On page 117, there’s no need to replay the entire recording conversation.
There appears to be no payoff for the inhaler. Either cut this or craft a payoff in the climax involving the