To Be A Father Analysis

2121 Words 9 Pages
Most people have had a father or father figure at some point in their lives (I would spice this first sentence up so it is an attention grabber to begin your paper). Although not everyone knows what it is like to actually be a father, almost everyone has a common notion what being one looks like in our culture. Fathers are always under pressure from themselves and society to balance their job and quality time with their family. It is (I notice how you use the passive voice a lot. You can fix this by searching through your essay and picking out the "to be" verbs (is, are) and changing them to active voice) a father’s job to protect his family and provide what he can while loving them unconditionally. Fathers should always be there for their …show more content…
I had a hard time locating your thesis in your first paragraph. While you have a lot of great points, your thesis should be concise and correspond to your other paragraphs like a roadmap. There is also not a lot of tension in your thesis, you can create this tension by pointing out a flaw in the advertisement like the absence of mothers or how the commercial never explicitly states that their products lead to being a good father. I think you summarized and described the commercial very well with sensory images. If I had not watched the commercial and just read your paper, I would have a very great image of the scenes shown. For example, "a child jumps into the open arms of his father from the edge of a swimming pool" is a great sentence that paints a picture. Another instance where you strived was in the evidence you used to support your claims. In your fifth paragraph, you made the claim that Dove was using a strategy to sell their products and you backed up the claim with effective evidence saying how "Letting the viewers make the connections between care and their products is a subtle advertising

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