Divorce Communication

This week’s readings were pretty difficult for me. I continue to carry guilt for not being able to be the mom I wanted to be for my children after my divorce and the many years following hat I had to work full time. I grieve the loss of those years with my children but more than that, I grieve my lack of presence. The stress of being a single mom with undiagnosed anxiety and depression reduced my ability to handle normal childhood energy and development. I became an incredibly fearful and strict parent. During their grade school years, most of our communication consisted of one way directives given by me. The classics were: hurry up, clean up, be quiet, and go play. As awful as those were, I am ashamed to admit it but, when they wouldn’t listen to me, I was not above snapping at them, “Am I speaking Chinese?!” Even though I now know how belittling that was to the children, my frustration was the head of the household at the time. I felt frazzled from the lack of time and the pressure to survive with little ones. I didn’t see how I had 15 minutes to share with each child. We did things together that were fun, but directed …show more content…
It is what we use with our clients to join. It is also powerful with loved ones. To listen without trying to think up a response allows me to respond to the whole experience of being with the person. Our adult son has been staying at our house while sharing my car since his has been in the shop. It has allowed us time to have many discussions about what he is experiencing in life. Employing contingent communication has opened a way for us to overcome patterns that kept us from truly being with each other. He has commented that he feels like our relationship is getting stronger. Rather than feeling like I am manipulating him, I feel as though I am becoming the mom I wanted to be when he was little. It is really quite