The Year of Magical Thinking (Pg. 208-217)
Section Synopsis This section is dominated by her reminiscing about her husband, but her thinking has changed since earlier in the book. Instead of showing the same desire to bring to husband back, to ‘think magically’, she becomes more reflective, thinking of mistakes made by her during her marriage. She mentions she had trouble thinking of herself as a wife just as much as she struggled with her widowhood. She criticises her role as a wife, remembering how she often told John that he wanted a different kind of wife. This criticism of herself continues as she recounts the first piece she wrote after John died. She recounts numerous occurrences of overspending, as when they travelled to Honolulu to discuss how they would solve the problem of selling their house in Malibu. She mentions a similar occasion closer to John’s death, when they travelled to Paris. She scoffs at how they must have thought they were economising because one ticket was free. She recalls that John …show more content…
However she now remembers in a far more self-critical light, having proceeded from trying to prevent John’s death to reflecting on how she could have done better. There is a preoccupation with what would have happened had she acted differently. Her self-reflection is not an act of healing, but rather a form of self-mortification. Rather than being left forlorn with recollections of the mistakes she might have made, how she did her husband a disservice by being any but the perfect wife. Through her memories she still indulges in an anhedonia that embitters her present and her past. Although she has in many aspects of her life accepted her husband’s death her preoccupation with her faults and her inability to concentrate demonstrate how the events of December, 2003, continue to dominate every aspect of her
Section Synopsis This section is dominated by her reminiscing about her husband, but her thinking has changed since earlier in the book. Instead of showing the same desire to bring to husband back, to ‘think magically’, she becomes more reflective, thinking of mistakes made by her during her marriage. She mentions she had trouble thinking of herself as a wife just as much as she struggled with her widowhood. She criticises her role as a wife, remembering how she often told John that he wanted a different kind of wife. This criticism of herself continues as she recounts the first piece she wrote after John died. She recounts numerous occurrences of overspending, as when they travelled to Honolulu to discuss how they would solve the problem of selling their house in Malibu. She mentions a similar occasion closer to John’s death, when they travelled to Paris. She scoffs at how they must have thought they were economising because one ticket was free. She recalls that John …show more content…
However she now remembers in a far more self-critical light, having proceeded from trying to prevent John’s death to reflecting on how she could have done better. There is a preoccupation with what would have happened had she acted differently. Her self-reflection is not an act of healing, but rather a form of self-mortification. Rather than being left forlorn with recollections of the mistakes she might have made, how she did her husband a disservice by being any but the perfect wife. Through her memories she still indulges in an anhedonia that embitters her present and her past. Although she has in many aspects of her life accepted her husband’s death her preoccupation with her faults and her inability to concentrate demonstrate how the events of December, 2003, continue to dominate every aspect of her