“Go ask Daddy if he thinks you look pretty!” my mom would tell me daily, my scalp throbbing from a tight french braid, every piece of my hair perfectly set. I grew up in a house that expected nothing other than pretty. As long as my long blond hair was still in place, and my dress was free of stains, the price of living on this planet as a “girl” was being paid. I also grew up in that same house having to feel ashamed of that femininity. I was trapped- longing nothing more than to be able to play deck hockey like my twin brother, and snowboard like my older brother, chop off all of my hair, and wear clothes that I associated as being “boy’s clothes”. I also wanted to be able to play with my dolls, and dress up as princesses, and declare my
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This especially includes the inequality that exists in the public educational system. My brother and I grew up as the “smart kids” in the family. I always received 100% in every subject up until high school, math and science being my favorite subjects to study. In high school, I began to notice how differently I was treated in these classes compared to my male counterparts. My teachers and peers expected less of me. I was first placed in a low level biology class freshman year, and had to fight to be in the honors class- despite always acing science courses beforehand. My teacher rarely called on the girls in my AP Calculus class, leaving us behind. Despite still exceeding in school, receiving a Gold F when I graduated for my outstanding GPA, passing numerous AP tests, and scoring relatively high on my SATs, I had still never been viewed as “smart enough”. Growing up and being assumed as a girl, I quickly realized that I will never be enough. I will never be enough for my family, friends, and society. I will never be feminine or masculine enough to fit in a certain box, I will never be queer enough to be apart of the queer and trans communities, I will never be intelligent enough to be considered intelligent. I have also learned that I will never be quiet enough to be considered polite, or loud enough to be considered an advocate. I will never be athletic enough to be exceptional at sports, or accomplished enough despite all of my
This especially includes the inequality that exists in the public educational system. My brother and I grew up as the “smart kids” in the family. I always received 100% in every subject up until high school, math and science being my favorite subjects to study. In high school, I began to notice how differently I was treated in these classes compared to my male counterparts. My teachers and peers expected less of me. I was first placed in a low level biology class freshman year, and had to fight to be in the honors class- despite always acing science courses beforehand. My teacher rarely called on the girls in my AP Calculus class, leaving us behind. Despite still exceeding in school, receiving a Gold F when I graduated for my outstanding GPA, passing numerous AP tests, and scoring relatively high on my SATs, I had still never been viewed as “smart enough”. Growing up and being assumed as a girl, I quickly realized that I will never be enough. I will never be enough for my family, friends, and society. I will never be feminine or masculine enough to fit in a certain box, I will never be queer enough to be apart of the queer and trans communities, I will never be intelligent enough to be considered intelligent. I have also learned that I will never be quiet enough to be considered polite, or loud enough to be considered an advocate. I will never be athletic enough to be exceptional at sports, or accomplished enough despite all of my