The condensation from my breath as I awoke from my normal REM cycle was startling, was I still dreaming? I rose to a seated position and looked around me and let out a sigh, the chevy Malibu was still parked next to my 1994 ford explorer and I was still homeless. The thought rang out in my mind as I gazed around me shivering in the back of the truck parked up on the 3rd floor of the Marcus Theater parking garage in Lincoln Nebraska. I had narrowed finding a place to sleep down to a science, Cruise the Walmart parking lots near 9pm and park in the back where the cameras don't see, around midnight when the parking lot security teams began their shift, Crank the seat forward and head over to the parking garage where Overnight parking after midnight
…show more content…
The preceding 4 weeks lead to me destroying any personal relationship with the people who could tolerate me, dropping out of college, and winding up homeless . I had subsequently done what every 45 year old alcoholic accomplishes by the age of 21. I had fallen asleep in the truck with the heater off after super heating it the evening before and like most morning's I awoke to a numb face, frigid toes, and nothing but time.... time to replay the events that had lead me to this specific moment in my life. I had a pattern of minor self-destruction throughout my youth nothing major however with the weight of life and a mind unprepared for this wave of energy, I was sent into a self destructive spiral. As I sat there attempting to wriggle my toes and generate warmth Parking lot security came whizzing by, I flung my blanket over my head lay back and stayed absolutely still. When the vehicle passed and I lay there legs curled to one side too long for the back bench seat I can and a hand made blanket with puppies and hearts on it covered my unshaven face I told myself," I am done with this, I refuse this reality." Was it a divine
The preceding 4 weeks lead to me destroying any personal relationship with the people who could tolerate me, dropping out of college, and winding up homeless . I had subsequently done what every 45 year old alcoholic accomplishes by the age of 21. I had fallen asleep in the truck with the heater off after super heating it the evening before and like most morning's I awoke to a numb face, frigid toes, and nothing but time.... time to replay the events that had lead me to this specific moment in my life. I had a pattern of minor self-destruction throughout my youth nothing major however with the weight of life and a mind unprepared for this wave of energy, I was sent into a self destructive spiral. As I sat there attempting to wriggle my toes and generate warmth Parking lot security came whizzing by, I flung my blanket over my head lay back and stayed absolutely still. When the vehicle passed and I lay there legs curled to one side too long for the back bench seat I can and a hand made blanket with puppies and hearts on it covered my unshaven face I told myself," I am done with this, I refuse this reality." Was it a divine