GIFTED is a character driven journey of self-discovery. The tone is dramatic and driven by the solid themes of acceptance and second chances.
The story focuses on the inner struggle of the protagonist, Thomas, as he tries to reconcile his past with his present. The idea of going back to one’s childhood town that awakens past memories has merit.
While there’s a lot to really like about this script, the script would benefit from more development. The main concern is the structure. The structure is non-linear, as it transitions several times from the present to the past and back again. There are even flashbacks within flashbacks. Thus, this type of structure makes the story feel like there are two plotlines.
The backstory is actually much …show more content…
This drives the plot forward. In the backstory, the inciting event is the bullying incident in the lockers.
The concern about the present day story is that there’s not enough compelling tension to sustain the plot. The subplot involving James isn’t compelling enough. The twist about the murder in his family comes late and doesn’t create any real tension. The subplot involving Sherry also comes late in structure and it’s not fully developed. There’s only mild chemistry between Thomas and Sherry.
The relationship between Thomas and the other students isn’t developed enough to feel like they have a strong bond. The idea of whether or not Thomas takes over his father’s business also doesn’t generate enough tension or …show more content…
The stakes for Thomas are not well defined.
In contrast, the backstory is very compelling and the stakes are much stronger. There’s a very strong and engaging hook with the idea that Robbie wants to forge a bond with Thomas, his tormentor. The scenes of them together as teens are very strong. The scene where they are acting like enemies, but secretly whispering together is very well crafted. The audience wants to see more of this.
Thus, consider a couple solutions. Tell this story all in one timeline – the teen story between Robbie and Thomas. Show how they begin to forge a bond, but then are pulled apart by forces, like the other bullies. The father-son relationship also can be further developed. This story has the capacity to create plenty of internal and external tension and conflict. In fact, as in the current storyline, Thomas can come to discover that Robbie has a drinking problem and he can even be killed.
The other possible solution is to open in the present, then flashback to the past, but tell the backstory in entirety vs. transitioning back and forth. Then at the end maybe Thomas visits his father and Robbie’s
The story focuses on the inner struggle of the protagonist, Thomas, as he tries to reconcile his past with his present. The idea of going back to one’s childhood town that awakens past memories has merit.
While there’s a lot to really like about this script, the script would benefit from more development. The main concern is the structure. The structure is non-linear, as it transitions several times from the present to the past and back again. There are even flashbacks within flashbacks. Thus, this type of structure makes the story feel like there are two plotlines.
The backstory is actually much …show more content…
This drives the plot forward. In the backstory, the inciting event is the bullying incident in the lockers.
The concern about the present day story is that there’s not enough compelling tension to sustain the plot. The subplot involving James isn’t compelling enough. The twist about the murder in his family comes late and doesn’t create any real tension. The subplot involving Sherry also comes late in structure and it’s not fully developed. There’s only mild chemistry between Thomas and Sherry.
The relationship between Thomas and the other students isn’t developed enough to feel like they have a strong bond. The idea of whether or not Thomas takes over his father’s business also doesn’t generate enough tension or …show more content…
The stakes for Thomas are not well defined.
In contrast, the backstory is very compelling and the stakes are much stronger. There’s a very strong and engaging hook with the idea that Robbie wants to forge a bond with Thomas, his tormentor. The scenes of them together as teens are very strong. The scene where they are acting like enemies, but secretly whispering together is very well crafted. The audience wants to see more of this.
Thus, consider a couple solutions. Tell this story all in one timeline – the teen story between Robbie and Thomas. Show how they begin to forge a bond, but then are pulled apart by forces, like the other bullies. The father-son relationship also can be further developed. This story has the capacity to create plenty of internal and external tension and conflict. In fact, as in the current storyline, Thomas can come to discover that Robbie has a drinking problem and he can even be killed.
The other possible solution is to open in the present, then flashback to the past, but tell the backstory in entirety vs. transitioning back and forth. Then at the end maybe Thomas visits his father and Robbie’s