Deborah Tannen You Just Don T Understand Analysis

Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don’t Understand, believes that women and men differ in the focus/driving force behind their communication. According to Tannen, men focus is on avoiding failure and social status, while women focus on achieving personal connection and avoiding social isolation. Tannen listed some descriptions of the differences between men and women communication. Some examples of the descriptions are: women desire intimacy in conversation, men desire to give information while remaining independent, women communicate to form relationships and men communicate to give information and give expertise. I think that becoming an engaged listener, paying attention to signals, and keeping stress levels in check would improve communication …show more content…
The listener should be able to focus fully on the person and the person’s tone of voice. Tone of voice portrays emotion, so if the listener is distracted by checking text messages or daydreaming, missing out on the emotional content behind the words being spoken would be an issue. If there seems to be a disconnection, reflect what has been said by paraphrasing what all is remembered. "What I'm hearing is," or "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to pick up the conversation from where the listener was lost. The listener should never interrupt the speaker with other situations. Also, the listener should provide feedback to let the speaker know he/she is paying attention and is there to comfort the speaker.
Often when communicating, nonverbal signals are used. Nonverbal communication/ body language uses facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing to express feelings or emotions. If you say one thing, your body language should reinforce what you said. For example, you cannot say “yes” and shake your head “no”. Also, if the speaker is crying or upset, a simple pat on the back will express a sense of