A former detective turned teacher investigates a missing student whose father is found dead.
BRIEF SYNOPSIS
RAY DONNE (30’s) was a former police detective in New York. After an accident, that killed a child, Ray retired and became a teacher. When one of his students, FRANKIE, doesn’t show up at school, Ray goes searching for him and ends up finding Frankie’s father’s body. He was murdered. Frankie and his younger sister go missing.
DETECTIVE ROYCE is assigned to the case and tells Ray to stay out of the way. Ray encouraged by his friend EDGAR (45) begins to search for Frankie. His investigation leads him to Frankie’s grandmother and sister. He later meets ELIJAH CRUZ. He notices medical equipment in their apartment marked with “EC” equipment. A clue at school leads Ray to Frankie’s aunt, but …show more content…
Elijah and his partner MR. JERRY are killed and Frankie is rescued.
STORY COMMENTS
SACRIFICE FLY is a crime, thriller mystery that engages the audience. Crime mysteries, while not original, are considered tried and true. There will always be an audience for a good mystery. The idea of a murder and a missing child is a plotline that effortlessly draws the audience into this world. The audience is invested in finding the child too.
The goal is clear and the stakes are very high. The script explores the theme of redemption and sacrifice. The story is driven by a man, who is seeking redemption for an accident that killed a child. The hook of the story is that the cop is now a teacher.
While there’s a lot to like about the script, the script would benefit from more development. The areas to discuss include the structure, the pace, and the tension, as well as some character development.
The structure presents with a three-act structure. The story opens establishing the backstory. This works well. The structure quickly transitions to the present-day storyline and establishes the ordinary world for
BRIEF SYNOPSIS
RAY DONNE (30’s) was a former police detective in New York. After an accident, that killed a child, Ray retired and became a teacher. When one of his students, FRANKIE, doesn’t show up at school, Ray goes searching for him and ends up finding Frankie’s father’s body. He was murdered. Frankie and his younger sister go missing.
DETECTIVE ROYCE is assigned to the case and tells Ray to stay out of the way. Ray encouraged by his friend EDGAR (45) begins to search for Frankie. His investigation leads him to Frankie’s grandmother and sister. He later meets ELIJAH CRUZ. He notices medical equipment in their apartment marked with “EC” equipment. A clue at school leads Ray to Frankie’s aunt, but …show more content…
Elijah and his partner MR. JERRY are killed and Frankie is rescued.
STORY COMMENTS
SACRIFICE FLY is a crime, thriller mystery that engages the audience. Crime mysteries, while not original, are considered tried and true. There will always be an audience for a good mystery. The idea of a murder and a missing child is a plotline that effortlessly draws the audience into this world. The audience is invested in finding the child too.
The goal is clear and the stakes are very high. The script explores the theme of redemption and sacrifice. The story is driven by a man, who is seeking redemption for an accident that killed a child. The hook of the story is that the cop is now a teacher.
While there’s a lot to like about the script, the script would benefit from more development. The areas to discuss include the structure, the pace, and the tension, as well as some character development.
The structure presents with a three-act structure. The story opens establishing the backstory. This works well. The structure quickly transitions to the present-day storyline and establishes the ordinary world for