Creative Writing: Mental Illness

it all hit me. I've have been trying to advoid my feelings for so long that I need to share them with someone so that they know the truth. I'm hurt . very bad. I try to hide it with a smile and laughter, and I'm pretty sure everyone buys it. I don't want anyone to know that I'm hurting right now. because I don't want people to treat me differently . however a little sympathy would be much appreciated. I'm still fragile. the wound is still fresh since it has only been 3 weeks since the day it happened. I keep replaying the memories over and over again and I try to understand that she's one now. it annoying when people say she's still with you. yes I know that I have the memories, but what about her. I wasn't ready to let her go. she meant the world to me …show more content…
I can't wrap my mind around it. it's just mind boggling. i dont know. people say everything happens for a reason, but what if that wasn't supposed to happen. if those doctors didn't mess but on a simple procedure, my family and I wouldn't be going through this. it's hard to try to explain the what ifs. I don't particularly like thinking about those scenarios either. i just don't know if me pretending that everything is okay is okay to do. this situation is very hard to cope with and I don't know what I should do. everytime I think about her I cry. every around me reminds me of her. when I'm alone, I think and think and it usually leads to me thinking about her and crying. it's a repeated cycle that seems like it will never end. which is why I always keep myself busy. being around people and things that distract me from thinking about this are like drugs. they numb the pain for awhile until they leave and the drug wears off. I'm not mentally stable right now nor will I be in 3 months. hopefully I will be better by then though. I just don't honk that people realize that these life changing events don't just fade