They all stare, they watch, as I look back, they are already turned around, like nothing happened. The feeling of being unwanted is my normal, I can feel everyone screaming at me. In class I pull my sleeves up just enough to look at the scars of the war, that had just ended the night before. I know I’m not wanted, I know I should be punished. Everybody doesn’t know that I have already punished myself. Most normal people wouldn’t do this and would tell me to get help. But, I don’t think I am sick or disturbed. I blame everyone else around me for this. My alcoholic parents, my “friends,” my teachers that think I need to pay attention in class, and everyone else that stares right through me. I have been told, “your eyes are a pathway to your soul.”
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I can’t, it’s like when you have candy. The crave, the wish, the pain of not having it, that’s why I can’t stop. Don’t tell me “But candy is good, blood and pain are, bad.” No, it isn’t, that feeling of the blade cutting through my sadness like you cut a piece of celery, it satisfies me. That sound of the blade chopping through the celery satisfies you and that you made it through. Now imagine that but with your arm. You might not think it’s safe or satisfying, but use empathy. Yes, I used the word, empathy, the one your counselors taught you about in fifth grade. No one really uses that advice, but, just try it out. I tried to stop, but I can’t just stop it in one second, just like my parents can’t stop beating me because it’s an addiction, a …show more content…
I felt the urge to run out of the classroom. I about cried, but, I swallowed and sat in my desk with a thump. I remembered the words my mom had told me on my first day of kindergarten before her drunk alter ego took over, "Just imagine me singing your favorite song that helps you through everything, My little sunshine" Her soft voice repeated in my head. My thoughts were interrupted by Kyle forcibly shaking me. I blankly stared at the teacher, I didn't even know her name, "What?" I asked almost tumbling out of my seat. "What is your name?" The teacher asked rigorously. "Uhh, H-Haz-el, my mom, calls me a Nut because, you know? Hazelnuts?" I said quietly. "She's definitely a nut" I heard another kid whisper. I glowed of shame. "I will just call you Hazel, alright? Ok, I am Mrs. Mcneara, you came from a private school right?" I nodded "Well, this is a public school and it's very different, don't get all rich and prissy for me" everyone laughed, except
I can’t, it’s like when you have candy. The crave, the wish, the pain of not having it, that’s why I can’t stop. Don’t tell me “But candy is good, blood and pain are, bad.” No, it isn’t, that feeling of the blade cutting through my sadness like you cut a piece of celery, it satisfies me. That sound of the blade chopping through the celery satisfies you and that you made it through. Now imagine that but with your arm. You might not think it’s safe or satisfying, but use empathy. Yes, I used the word, empathy, the one your counselors taught you about in fifth grade. No one really uses that advice, but, just try it out. I tried to stop, but I can’t just stop it in one second, just like my parents can’t stop beating me because it’s an addiction, a …show more content…
I felt the urge to run out of the classroom. I about cried, but, I swallowed and sat in my desk with a thump. I remembered the words my mom had told me on my first day of kindergarten before her drunk alter ego took over, "Just imagine me singing your favorite song that helps you through everything, My little sunshine" Her soft voice repeated in my head. My thoughts were interrupted by Kyle forcibly shaking me. I blankly stared at the teacher, I didn't even know her name, "What?" I asked almost tumbling out of my seat. "What is your name?" The teacher asked rigorously. "Uhh, H-Haz-el, my mom, calls me a Nut because, you know? Hazelnuts?" I said quietly. "She's definitely a nut" I heard another kid whisper. I glowed of shame. "I will just call you Hazel, alright? Ok, I am Mrs. Mcneara, you came from a private school right?" I nodded "Well, this is a public school and it's very different, don't get all rich and prissy for me" everyone laughed, except