The Big Day
As I sat there waiting for my results, surrounded by friends but feeling so alone, I pondered at all the possibilities "maybe I qualified for state or maybe I didn't" I kept thinking. I could hear the blasting of horns and the beating of drums in the distance, strangely though I was surrounded by sound and vibrations I still managed to tune it out. For some reason to me sitting in that one seat became almost my own little bubble filled with self doubt while at the same time a shred of hope. It felt like chaos and anarchy reigned in my head, hope battling doubt, until I saw a judge post results on to a wall; my bubble popped, and slowly I approached the results.
Going into my junior year of high school I had only one goal; to become the best Euphonium player and prove all the people who ever doubted me wrong. After playing the Euphonium for a year I had experienced my first crushing defeat at the All-City Band auditions, and knowing this was my last semester before my senior year, I knew Solo and Ensemble auditions were my only hope of making a name for my self and changing peoples’ perceptions of me. I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders; I didn't feel a want to succeed but a burning need to.
For weeks I practiced, listened to my solo, even went as far as examining the sheet music during class; visualizing the movement of my fingers and sound of my horn. For weeks I would focus on my goal, to qualify for state solo and ensemble, and solidify my spot as the top Euphonium player. As the competition day neared nothing else mattered to me: not grades, not relationships, not friendships; these things felt unimportant and a distraction. For months I practiced hard putting everything I had into my instrument and I began to feel ready. The big day came and for the first time in months things felt calm. This sense of urgency, of needing to succeed, it just went away. Driving to the competition with my friend, Jamar, I can remember him telling me "I never thought you would get here but you really surprised me"; this comment made me proud but at the same time gave me a strange push. I walked into the school hearing everybody from schools across the region practicing their solos; some were great others you could tell were not prepared. I sat anxiously waiting for my turn to perform. As expected all my doubt began to creep up all the worries and fears began to consume me, and then I heard my name. I walked in and saw my accompanist, the piano player that plays with the soloist, …show more content…
Just looking at the results and seeing a “2” I knew would not only crush me but kill all my hopes. Not only that but it would prove all the people who doubted me right, and worse the people who believed in me wrong. I move past the huge crowd of others trying to see their scores and look for my name; I find it and look across to see my result, and my jaw drops. I scurry over back to my group fighting back tears trying to get a hold of my self. I text my mom "I qualified for state!" I looked around and for the first time felt like I belonged. In a matter of seconds my perception of myself had changed and I finally felt like I had made
As I sat there waiting for my results, surrounded by friends but feeling so alone, I pondered at all the possibilities "maybe I qualified for state or maybe I didn't" I kept thinking. I could hear the blasting of horns and the beating of drums in the distance, strangely though I was surrounded by sound and vibrations I still managed to tune it out. For some reason to me sitting in that one seat became almost my own little bubble filled with self doubt while at the same time a shred of hope. It felt like chaos and anarchy reigned in my head, hope battling doubt, until I saw a judge post results on to a wall; my bubble popped, and slowly I approached the results.
Going into my junior year of high school I had only one goal; to become the best Euphonium player and prove all the people who ever doubted me wrong. After playing the Euphonium for a year I had experienced my first crushing defeat at the All-City Band auditions, and knowing this was my last semester before my senior year, I knew Solo and Ensemble auditions were my only hope of making a name for my self and changing peoples’ perceptions of me. I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders; I didn't feel a want to succeed but a burning need to.
For weeks I practiced, listened to my solo, even went as far as examining the sheet music during class; visualizing the movement of my fingers and sound of my horn. For weeks I would focus on my goal, to qualify for state solo and ensemble, and solidify my spot as the top Euphonium player. As the competition day neared nothing else mattered to me: not grades, not relationships, not friendships; these things felt unimportant and a distraction. For months I practiced hard putting everything I had into my instrument and I began to feel ready. The big day came and for the first time in months things felt calm. This sense of urgency, of needing to succeed, it just went away. Driving to the competition with my friend, Jamar, I can remember him telling me "I never thought you would get here but you really surprised me"; this comment made me proud but at the same time gave me a strange push. I walked into the school hearing everybody from schools across the region practicing their solos; some were great others you could tell were not prepared. I sat anxiously waiting for my turn to perform. As expected all my doubt began to creep up all the worries and fears began to consume me, and then I heard my name. I walked in and saw my accompanist, the piano player that plays with the soloist, …show more content…
Just looking at the results and seeing a “2” I knew would not only crush me but kill all my hopes. Not only that but it would prove all the people who doubted me right, and worse the people who believed in me wrong. I move past the huge crowd of others trying to see their scores and look for my name; I find it and look across to see my result, and my jaw drops. I scurry over back to my group fighting back tears trying to get a hold of my self. I text my mom "I qualified for state!" I looked around and for the first time felt like I belonged. In a matter of seconds my perception of myself had changed and I finally felt like I had made