Cicadas chirping. The sweltering heat and the sweetness of the tangerines. Her hands find their way across the ocean of blankets and rest on my feet. “What are you doing, weirdo?” She only grins and shrugs. “I dunno. Your feet smell nice, ya know?”
“Ewww!” I’m giggling and I pull my feet away shyly.
Cicadas chirping. Chloe’s dad brought over an electric fan from the attic. The current of air keeps the sweat off of my face.
“You want to go downstairs? You do know that it’s colder down there, right?”
She scoffs. “Colder? Nah. Less melty? Maybe.”
“Melty isn’t a word.”
“Sure is! Once I invent it I’ll get super rich!”
“Wowzers, you’ll be really famous.”
“Umm, is that sarcasm I detect Caulfield?” She shifts and turns to look at me with this pouty …show more content…
Everything I did the entire week has been for nothing, as all of it was rewound. Even the satisfaction of seeing Jefferson getting locked up muddled away to nothing but a small buzz.
I failed.
I grip my camera, like an anchor. It is the only thing that keeps me adrift. So I float through the hazy days, taking pictures. It’s one after the other. Classes, grades, pictures. Classes, grades, pictures. Sleep falls in between some of the cracks, and sometimes it doesn’t. The nightmares make sure of that. It comes to no surprise that whenever I close my eyes, I see the bullet fly through so many different angles. Her stomach. Her arm. Leg. Neck. In between.. In between her..
Vomit.
The act brings me back to where I am. The dorm room, cold and drab. Lisa’s dead. I took down all of my pictures and threw them all on the floor. Now some of them are stained with whatever I ate for breakfast. Not like I remember what it was, but now I have to clean it up.
I hate this.
I stayed up until morning, scrubbing at the stained blue carpet.
Another shitty day down the drain.
*
Kate comes by to visit every Sunday. Today is no different, although this time it would be for completely different reasons.
There’s a knock on my door, followed by a muffled,” Max? Are you in here?”
“As …show more content…
I clear my throat. “Erm, you go first.”
She hesitates, just a little, before saying,” I think it would be good for you to come to the bible study with me.”
“Huh, why?”
“I just think… it might be a good way to cope.” She sighs, and says,” People have been talking about you, Max. I’ve heard what they say. It’s not healthy to keep coming to class like this. You won’t be able to continue if you just stay awake every other night.” She rests her hand on mine. “I can’t bear to see you like this. It hurts you as much as I know how my…. Incident hurt me, but you can’t let this stay on your mind Max, you’re so much stronger-”
“Get out.” Eardrums throbbing, blood flow screaming in my ears and all I can hear myself say is,” GET OUT GET OUT KATE GET OUT OF MY RO
Get out of my room Kate.” Kate lingers for a few seconds, conflicted, as though when she turns and walks away I will have disappeared into dust like Rachel Amber.
If only I had that strength. And thus, the door shuts as she goes to wherever. The hallway is quiet this morning, and I can’t remember if my screaming was in my head or if it was real. The warmth of her hand on the back of mine eventually faded.
???
**Breakdancedown
“Ewww!” I’m giggling and I pull my feet away shyly.
Cicadas chirping. Chloe’s dad brought over an electric fan from the attic. The current of air keeps the sweat off of my face.
“You want to go downstairs? You do know that it’s colder down there, right?”
She scoffs. “Colder? Nah. Less melty? Maybe.”
“Melty isn’t a word.”
“Sure is! Once I invent it I’ll get super rich!”
“Wowzers, you’ll be really famous.”
“Umm, is that sarcasm I detect Caulfield?” She shifts and turns to look at me with this pouty …show more content…
Everything I did the entire week has been for nothing, as all of it was rewound. Even the satisfaction of seeing Jefferson getting locked up muddled away to nothing but a small buzz.
I failed.
I grip my camera, like an anchor. It is the only thing that keeps me adrift. So I float through the hazy days, taking pictures. It’s one after the other. Classes, grades, pictures. Classes, grades, pictures. Sleep falls in between some of the cracks, and sometimes it doesn’t. The nightmares make sure of that. It comes to no surprise that whenever I close my eyes, I see the bullet fly through so many different angles. Her stomach. Her arm. Leg. Neck. In between.. In between her..
Vomit.
The act brings me back to where I am. The dorm room, cold and drab. Lisa’s dead. I took down all of my pictures and threw them all on the floor. Now some of them are stained with whatever I ate for breakfast. Not like I remember what it was, but now I have to clean it up.
I hate this.
I stayed up until morning, scrubbing at the stained blue carpet.
Another shitty day down the drain.
*
Kate comes by to visit every Sunday. Today is no different, although this time it would be for completely different reasons.
There’s a knock on my door, followed by a muffled,” Max? Are you in here?”
“As …show more content…
I clear my throat. “Erm, you go first.”
She hesitates, just a little, before saying,” I think it would be good for you to come to the bible study with me.”
“Huh, why?”
“I just think… it might be a good way to cope.” She sighs, and says,” People have been talking about you, Max. I’ve heard what they say. It’s not healthy to keep coming to class like this. You won’t be able to continue if you just stay awake every other night.” She rests her hand on mine. “I can’t bear to see you like this. It hurts you as much as I know how my…. Incident hurt me, but you can’t let this stay on your mind Max, you’re so much stronger-”
“Get out.” Eardrums throbbing, blood flow screaming in my ears and all I can hear myself say is,” GET OUT GET OUT KATE GET OUT OF MY RO
Get out of my room Kate.” Kate lingers for a few seconds, conflicted, as though when she turns and walks away I will have disappeared into dust like Rachel Amber.
If only I had that strength. And thus, the door shuts as she goes to wherever. The hallway is quiet this morning, and I can’t remember if my screaming was in my head or if it was real. The warmth of her hand on the back of mine eventually faded.
???
**Breakdancedown