A troubled young man tries to overcome his abusive past by joining the Union Soldiers.
BRIEF SYNOPSIS:
JACK MURPHY grew up in an abusive home with his father JOE and his mother MARGARET. As a teenager, Jack and his best friend, BILL CALLAHAN (18) join the army. For Jack, it’s a way to get away from his parents.
Jack befriends Lt. HEINRICH SCHULZ (41), who becomes a mentor and father figure for Jack.
As hard as Jack tries, he can’t get rid of the memories of his home life and this turns to anger. Jack begins having dreams and visions of hurting anyone that he’s angry with, including hurting his parents. Jack doesn’t know how to stop them.
After being in army for 90 days, Jack decides to leave. Jack and his friend, LEON, an African American, get jobs, but this doesn’t …show more content…
The main character, is battling both an inner, emotional war, as well as an external war. The plot is told against the backdrop of the Civil War. The time period and culture feels authentic. The script clearly showcases how the protagonist overcomes his internal struggle and learns how to forgive.
One concern about the presentation and the structure is that the goal is more emotional vs. external. Giving Jack a stronger actionable goal by the end of act one will help focus the script, as Jack also deals with healing his inner conflict. Because there’s a lack of an external goal early on, the structure feels as if it drifts in different directions.
For example, suddenly Jack quits the army, although it not fully understood why he does this. Then without any proper setup, Jack has a partner, Leon. Leon never becomes a pivotal character in the story and he disappears around page 25. The subplot involving Leon and Jack is never fully developed and it fragments the story. Leon isn’t fluidly incorporated into the plot. Either Leon needs to be eliminated from the script, or his role has to be
BRIEF SYNOPSIS:
JACK MURPHY grew up in an abusive home with his father JOE and his mother MARGARET. As a teenager, Jack and his best friend, BILL CALLAHAN (18) join the army. For Jack, it’s a way to get away from his parents.
Jack befriends Lt. HEINRICH SCHULZ (41), who becomes a mentor and father figure for Jack.
As hard as Jack tries, he can’t get rid of the memories of his home life and this turns to anger. Jack begins having dreams and visions of hurting anyone that he’s angry with, including hurting his parents. Jack doesn’t know how to stop them.
After being in army for 90 days, Jack decides to leave. Jack and his friend, LEON, an African American, get jobs, but this doesn’t …show more content…
The main character, is battling both an inner, emotional war, as well as an external war. The plot is told against the backdrop of the Civil War. The time period and culture feels authentic. The script clearly showcases how the protagonist overcomes his internal struggle and learns how to forgive.
One concern about the presentation and the structure is that the goal is more emotional vs. external. Giving Jack a stronger actionable goal by the end of act one will help focus the script, as Jack also deals with healing his inner conflict. Because there’s a lack of an external goal early on, the structure feels as if it drifts in different directions.
For example, suddenly Jack quits the army, although it not fully understood why he does this. Then without any proper setup, Jack has a partner, Leon. Leon never becomes a pivotal character in the story and he disappears around page 25. The subplot involving Leon and Jack is never fully developed and it fragments the story. Leon isn’t fluidly incorporated into the plot. Either Leon needs to be eliminated from the script, or his role has to be