UNIVERSAL DRIFTER is a supernatural, action thriller. There are solid themes about revenge and karma. This is the type of script with potential, but would benefit from further development. The second half of the script appears to work better than the first half of the script. This is worth discussing.
The opening and first act set up the ordinary world of the two core characters of Annette and Jack. Jack’s introduction is intriguing, as it introduces the element of the supernatural. However, Annette’s introduction feels rather ordinary. There’s nothing exciting about her.
In addition, the credibility of her working for the police department after being accused of murder is questionable, especially given that they let her work on a murder investigation, yet she can’t carry a gun. It …show more content…
Also, the police should be after the couple, but they tend to disappear. In addition, clarify why going to Cathedral Rock will save Annette.
Continue developing all the characters. Annette definitely is likable and she has strong inner conflict, but she’s not very exciting. Make her more proactive and give her a stronger voice. This will help give her a solid personality. At the end, it’s not really clear if she grows as a person. She falls too quickly and easily for Jack. The backstory about her shooting Larkin in the head may not be the best backstory choice. It makes her a bit too cold-blooded.
Jack has potential, but in the first half of the script, his voice is too stiff and un-natural. Make him act more like an assassin. Give him a stronger, sardonic voice (which emerges in the second half).
As mentioned, consider that he does try to kill Annette, but something stops him. The idea of him being the “essence” of the universe is a bit obscure. The audience can take one major leap about him being karma, but be careful of asking the audience to make several additional
The opening and first act set up the ordinary world of the two core characters of Annette and Jack. Jack’s introduction is intriguing, as it introduces the element of the supernatural. However, Annette’s introduction feels rather ordinary. There’s nothing exciting about her.
In addition, the credibility of her working for the police department after being accused of murder is questionable, especially given that they let her work on a murder investigation, yet she can’t carry a gun. It …show more content…
Also, the police should be after the couple, but they tend to disappear. In addition, clarify why going to Cathedral Rock will save Annette.
Continue developing all the characters. Annette definitely is likable and she has strong inner conflict, but she’s not very exciting. Make her more proactive and give her a stronger voice. This will help give her a solid personality. At the end, it’s not really clear if she grows as a person. She falls too quickly and easily for Jack. The backstory about her shooting Larkin in the head may not be the best backstory choice. It makes her a bit too cold-blooded.
Jack has potential, but in the first half of the script, his voice is too stiff and un-natural. Make him act more like an assassin. Give him a stronger, sardonic voice (which emerges in the second half).
As mentioned, consider that he does try to kill Annette, but something stops him. The idea of him being the “essence” of the universe is a bit obscure. The audience can take one major leap about him being karma, but be careful of asking the audience to make several additional