>>8518965
Well your not doing bad, but it feels too early for Celestia. It feels like her character wasn't introduced prolerly and for Twilight, I don't think she would just let Celestia do that to Stupid. Even if she doesn't want to admit to loving him yet. Basicaly my biggest problem is you randomly have Celestia just come in and say MINE! then storms off. The story already suggested that the other princesses already have a changeling doll so I don't see why she would be so set on taking Twilights unless theres some alterior motive (though I suppose you didn't see this mentioned, or overlooked it or something since you said you aren't the original author?). Part of me wants to think the way you had Celestia act towards Twilight and Stupid
Well your not doing bad, but it feels too early for Celestia. It feels like her character wasn't introduced prolerly and for Twilight, I don't think she would just let Celestia do that to Stupid. Even if she doesn't want to admit to loving him yet. Basicaly my biggest problem is you randomly have Celestia just come in and say MINE! then storms off. The story already suggested that the other princesses already have a changeling doll so I don't see why she would be so set on taking Twilights unless theres some alterior motive (though I suppose you didn't see this mentioned, or overlooked it or something since you said you aren't the original author?). Part of me wants to think the way you had Celestia act towards Twilight and Stupid